Stop Divorce Advice - Three Common Misconceptions You Simply Must Not Believe

Are you looking for a way to stop divorce? There's a lot of advice out there that can help you. Unfortunately, there are also a few misconceptions that can completely sidetrack your efforts. Let's look at three commonly-espoused myths that you simply must ignore if you want to stop your divorce.

MYTH: You Need To Do Therapy As A Couple

There are a lot of people who will tell you that joint therapy is a great way to save a marriage. They'll go so far as to tell you that you must go if you want to stop divorce. Advice like this is completely misguided, though. Did you know that one expert actually reports that couples' therapy only saves marriages about 20% of the time! Eight out of every ten couples get divorced. This is not something you need to do!

MYTH: There's a Point Of No Return

There are some people who will say that troubled marriages can reach a point of no return. They'll argue that it's impossible to save a marriage after that invisible "tipping point". It simply isn't true. There are many cases of people who were able to stop a divorce even after initiating the process. There is no point of no return. Until the divorce is finalized, it is possible to save your marriage.

MYTH: You Can't Do It Alone

Stop divorce advice givers are frequently guilty of assuming that both parties in a marriage need to be active in order to save it. Of all divorce myths, this is probably the most common. It also isn't true. It is possible to rescue a seemingly doomed marriage even when only one spouse is interested in making a change. There are proven systems out there that explain exactly what one person can do to save a marriage and why these strategies work. The idea that "it takes two to tango" has some prima facie appeal, but research and experience prove that one motivated spouse can make the difference.

Don't believe these common misconceptions. Your relationship is not doomed. Even if you're the only one interested in making things work, you can save your marriage. By following a smart, professional and proven plan designed to effectively save a marriage, you can make your relationship much stronger and better than it has ever been! Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Syd_McKeever

Why Pay a Lawyer? Get a Cheap Divorce

By Charlotte Hoaks

How hard is it to get a Do-It-Yourself Divorce? Of course, it will vary, from state to state but after assisting my daughter going through the process, I can say first hand, it was relatively easy. At least that's what we have found here in Texas.

After an internet research, we found books with actual legal forms available for approximately twenty-five dollars. The "How-To" book was state specific. What did the process involve? The divorce required little more than a computer, a bit of skill using MS Word and time to read and follow instructions to complete the forms?

The first document was the "initial filing" known as a "Petition". Once completed, you, the Petitioner, take the document to the County Clerk's office where it is assigned a number then registered as temporary orders establishing custody, support, etc. This filing cost approximately $250 in Texas. The clerk will provide a list of any additional actions required by the judge, county or state such as parenting classes.

The next step is notifying the soon to be EX now identified as the Respondent. The process can be accomplished by a peace officer serving the papers (costing approximately $150) or the Petitioner hand delivering the papers and the Respondent signing a Waiver in front of a notary stating they have been notified. A word of caution, those signing the Waiver should read and understand what they are about to sign. The Waiver is then filed at the County Clerk's office by the Petitioner. At that point a 60 day waiting period is required in Texas. That may vary from state to state.

If the Respondent has signed the Waiver their responsibility in the divorce process is complete. The additional documents will be completed by the Petitioner and after the Decree has been presented, signed by the judge, and filed, the Respondent will get a copy with the final orders from the court.

Completing the Decree is time consuming and involves several "Exhibits" in spite of even the most limited of assets. Some of the documents included are relating to child custody, child support, visitation, division of assets, debt responsibility, and taxes. The key is to read carefully. Visit each of the sample "Exhibits" and complete the ones that apply to your specific situation. The book we used provided captions for each of the required information fields and we stepped through the completion in a matter of about eight hours.

Once the Decree is completed and both parties have agreed to the content, the papers are filed at the County Clerk's office. If the Respondent has signed the Waiver their signature is not required to file the Decree. The Petitioner moves forward with little or no interaction with the Respondent. Again, take the Decree and all supporting documents or "Exhibits" required by the specific situation. Refer to any additional provisions stipulated by the court when the Petition was files. Make sure all appropriate actions have been taken.

Again, there may be a wait of several days before an actual court date is scheduled. In our county, my daughter had to show up at the county clerk's office to sign up for court at a predetermined time and wait her turn.

In my daughter's case, her soon to be EX was the one suggesting divorce. She agreed and basically kept the process rolling. The EX signed the Waiver and the rest was handled without any additional involvement from him. Child support guidelines for each state will differ but it is a percentage of a base salary. The judge will determine if the Respondent's financial obligation listed in the Decree is within the guidelines. With supporting financials, the judge accepted the amount entered in the case of my daughter's Decree.

The final hearing in front of the judge was brief, not more than twenty minutes. The judge gave my daughter a "cheat sheet" She read through the script inserting names as appropriate. The judge reviewed the Decree, asked a few questions and signed it.

That was it, a divorce for $250. The county clerk will notify the Ex at the address he gave on the waiver. My daughter is now ready to begin her new life as a free woman.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Charlotte_Hoaks

Divorce Forces Money Problems For Many

By Landon McGehee 

As the rate of divorce seems to rise, people seem to still be surprised when it happens to them. Financial, emotional, and personal lives are splintered, and torn to pieces. If you don't know someone who has been through a divorce, this article will help you learn about what to avoid and look for when a divorce is inevitable for your future.

The Stop at the Lawyers

When you split up a family you are also going to split up everything from the money, to everything in the house. Mental, emotional and financial strains are difficult. Most often times, people who are breaking up do not feel very giving towards the other person with all the belongings. The husband and wife going through the divorce often times focus on who is getting what, and what they don't want the other person to have in the end.

While looking at the things you have, the money you have, you must also look at the debts and the loans or the credit cards that are in your name. Don't focus just on what you have, but also on what you don't have when splitting everything up in the end of a marriage.

Finding answers, using mediation

Lawyers are going to be costly during a breakup. When possible, think about using a mediator, the process of mediation to put things behind you when going through a divorce. Both the husband and wife are going to have to make a few concessions in both assets and in debts, but the end result is going to be a much faster process. Mediation is most often times going to be less costly than two lawyer bills are going to be.

Avoid getting trapped and paying more than you should. When possible, if you have real estate you want to sell it off so you can get cash from the deals - that may be the best consolidation plan. When possible, and you have shared assets such as stocks as a joint account you may want to consider signing off on portions of the stocks in return for other portions of the stocks. This is going to prevent either of you from having to pay heavy fees and cash in taxes when you don't really have too. When too people are getting a divorce, sometimes the best thing you can possibly do is act like adults and use a third party to save money in many ways.

What financial matters you should think about

Besides the house, and the things you own physically you also have a few other topics you may want to remember to think about. These things include items such as your joint checking, joint savings, joint credit cards, and other valuables such as insurance policies and disability policies. While you may not want to believe it, some joint accounts hold both parties responsible even if divorced. If one husband or one wife were to rack up the credit cards, the other could be held responsible because it is a joint account and for the monies that are outstanding.

One last thing you should think about when breaking a couple up and heading for divorce. Alimony is often a factor when large sums of money are in question, or if one spouse was the bread winner and the other spouse wasn't working. In some areas of the country it is difficult to get alimony while it doesn't mean that it is impossible.

What is divorce going to mean for you

Changes are going to have to be made, which is going to mean rebuilding your finances, your home life, and your family. You may need a smaller house, or you may need to live in a different neighborhood. All the expenses of a house will become your own, and all the expenses of your children if you have any will also need to be addressed.

Now you can remove the confusion in your mind on the topic of best consolidation plan. Learn from our years of experience, visit http://www.everlife.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Landon_McGehee

Parenting Through Divorce and Beyond

By Charles Jamieson

Although there are a few exceptions, divorce often causes major disruptions to the family unit. Naturally, this instability can be frightening to everyone involved-especially to the children of divorcing parents. And, unfortunately, this instability can have long-term effects as well. Even though parents may think they are hiding their insecurities of what the future may hold, and their anger toward their spouse, they convey messages to their children they may not intend. Indeed, parents may not realize that their once commendable behavior, now battered by their irritability from lack of sleep, constant marital conflict, and anxiety about their future, is marked by impatience, inapproachability, or even emotional withdrawal from their children.

Research studies have suggested that providing as much parental harmony - even during and after the divorce is critical to the healthy development of our children's relationships not only in the near future, but far beyond it to adulthood. Indeed, the long-term consequences of parental discord affect children pervasively and consistently in a detrimental fashion, according the data provided by researchers Paul Amato and Alan Booth. They found that children from families with a high degree of discord before and after their divorces tended to have more difficulties in dating -- and less happiness, less interaction, and more conflict in marriage. Not surprisingly, the probability of divorce is higher among children whose parents experienced a high degree of disharmony in marriage and subsequently.

While divorce cannot always be avoided, bad conduct during and after divorce can be. Open, honest, civil communication with your ex-spouse, or soon to be ex-spouse, and your children, is best for every one. Here are some tips for parents who are currently in the midst of a divorce, or have already divorced:

DO:
Tell each child individually that he or she is not the cause of the divorce and will always be loved by both parents.
Be supportive and positive about the child's relationship with the other parent.
Always let the child know when he or she will see the absent parent.
Continue reassuring the children that they can still count on both parents
Deal directly with the other parent. (Don't use the children to make or change plans.)
Be careful when discussing your case with your attorney (or friends) on the phone. Children hear more than we think.
Behave reasonably and rationally so your children know you have made the decision to end your marriage in a careful and thoughtful way.
Establish a home for the children with a place for their belongings (each child should be given at least one drawer in the visiting parent's home for toys, artwork, pajamas, etc. with absolute privacy being guaranteed to the child with respect to this special drawer.)
Be prompt for pickup and drop-off.
Maintain regular telephone contact with the children.
Have children ready in time for visitation and be home, or at the visitation exchange on time to receive the children.

DON'T
Argue in front of the children.
Speak derogatorily about the other parent.
Cancel plans with the children.
Pump the children for information about the other parent.
Use the children to carry angry messages back and forth.
Use the children to deliver support payments or bills.
Ask children with whom they want to live.
Ask a child to keep a secret from the other parent
Appear sad when your child leaves to see the other parent.
Change residences more often than is absolutely necessary.
Believe everything the children say about the other parent.
Introduce your children to your new romantic interest until the children have adjusted to your separation and your new relationship is stable.
Bring your children to court or to your lawyer's office.
As loving parents we make an emotional pact with our spouse when our children are born, to pour our lives and all happiness into them - protecting them from hurt and suffering. Somehow, when our marriage disintegrates we forget our promise to each other. And, as the research suggests, psychological harm affects our children long into their adulthood. Unfortunately, this cycle of discord and broken promises can even continue into the next generation.

Charles D. Jamieson, Esquire, is the founding partner of The Law Firm of Charles D. Jamieson, P.A. in West Palm Beach, Florida. He has practiced family law for more than 25 years and has represented individuals or acted as a legal consultant in divorce and child abuse cases throughout Florida, as well as in more than 20 states during his career Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Charles_Jamieson

Fathers, Don't Wait Until Divorce to Get Involved With Your Children

By Mary Wollard

Recently, I heard a similar comment from two different fathers. One dad was talking about issues that have come up with his children since his divorce a few years ago; the other was talking about parenting issues with his pending divorce.

Both of these fathers saw divorce as an opportunity to spend more time with their children, not less. After all of my years working with families during and after divorce, this didn't surprise me one bit, though I'd never heard a father actually say it.

What these two fathers were talking about was quality time. Because even though the actual number of hours and minutes in the same house with the children was less than before separation, it meant much, much more.

After reflecting on the idea that separation and divorce could actually enhance a father's relationship with the children, I began to realize how many fathers feel unequipped to parent.

It's only natural; Moms tend to spend lots more time caring for the children when they are babies. In addition, Mom often stays home with the children, even if it's just maternity leave from her job, while Dad goes back to work after just a few days.

I think everybody just gets in the habit of Mom being the caretaker and Dad being more of an observer than a participant. The habit, then, is reinforced when Mom won't say she needs or wants help. When Dad does try to do some of the child-rearing, his initial attempts can be clumsy and unwelcome by Mom.

Consequently, many mothers complain about fathers who are totally uninterested in doing anything with the children. At the same time, fathers often feel like they are prevented from fully participating in their children's care because Mom does it all or doesn't like the way they do it.

Unfortunately, by the time the family faces divorce, fathers often end up with less parenting time based upon their lack of involvement with the children during the marriage.

It's no wonder that some fathers feel they are actually spending more time with their children after separation than they were before. The time they now have with the children is unhampered by Mom's tendency to do everything. Instead of feeling like they're in the way, dads can use their parenting time to become fully involved and present with their children.

Dads, don't wait to be asked! Get involved in your children's care now. Moms, if you see Dad trying to help, let him. While it might be tricky at first to work out the differences between your styles, the whole family will benefit.

Mary A. Wollard, JD, is an attorney, mediator, and arbitrator with over 20 years experience in solving the legal issues of divorce, parenting (custody), marital property and support. In addition to helping families through mediation and arbitration, Ms. Wollard provides parenting coordination and decision-making services to families when on-going conflict prevents them from fully implementing their parenting plan after divorce. Visit http://www.cofamilysolutions.com/downloads.htm for free downloadable worksheets you can use to organize your family's transition. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mary_Wollard

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Getting a Divorce? 5 Tips to Avoid a Huge Legal Bill

By Howard MacKinnon

Divorce is not easy at the best of times. But it can be especially difficult when enormous legal bills add to the usually stress and strain. Here are some tips we recommend that you consider to keep your legal bills manageable.

1. Is a lawyer really necessary? Often the answer is "yes". Where else can you go to find out what your legal rights and responsibilities are? But after you get the answers to your questions if may be possible for you to take care of the remainder of your divorce by yourself - possibly with just a little help.

The vast majority of divorce cases are uncontested - the spouses have agreed on the terms of divorce. The relationship is over and needs legal closure. You cannot expect the court office to prepare your paperwork for you but there are some affordable alternatives to law firms.

One is a do-it-yourself divorce kit. You can buy one of these for about $30 at most bookstores or office supply stores. They give you the basic information you need along with the blank forms you will need to fill out. It will still take some time to read through and figure out what they are telling you to do but it has the advantage of being the cheapest possible option.

An easier alternative is a little more costly, between $200 and $300, but still much cheaper than hiring a lawyer. The Internet has several divorce document preparation services which will send you all the forms you need, already completed and ready for you to sign. You just follow the instructions they provide to file the forms with the court office. Yes, this is more expensive than the kits but much easier and will still save you a great deal compared with hiring a law firm.

2. Try mediating instead of litigating. If you are among the 10% or so who have not been able to agree with your spouse on the terms of your divorce, before your lawyers start scrapping hire a mediator. A mediator is a specialist in assisted negotiation who will help you and your spouse come to an agreement on those touchy issues that you have not been able to resolve on your own. Mediation is successful in resolving the majority of disputes and can change your divorce from a courtroom contest into a far less expensive paper shuffle.

Mediation is going to cost you a few thousand dollars so you have to keep the alternative in mind. Sure, if you and your spouse can settle matters without a mediator then that is the way to go. But if the alternative is a court room battle you will both by out tens of thousands of dollars. If you can spend a couple of thousand and avoid this through mediation then the choice is obvious.

3. Free initial consultations are often offered by lawyers looking for your business. Before booking an appointment with a lawyer make sure the first 30 minutes or so will be free or else call someone else. It may be that after getting some preliminary information you will find that you won't need a lawyer to handle your divorce and you can try one of the cheaper alternatives.

4. Understand how a lawyer's bill is calculated. If the hourly rate is $200 then for every message you leave or brief conversation you have you will be billed at least $20. Each time you are tempted to call your lawyer and ask how things are progressing, take out a $20 bill and say goodbye to it - you might reconsider. A better idea is to arrange at the beginning to have copies of all letters written or received by your lawyer forwarded to you. You will still be billed for these copies but they will let you keep tabs on what is happening with your file without incurring any more fees than necessary.

5. Negotiate a flat fee with your lawyer. This may not be easy, or even possible, as most lawyers charge by the hour. But if you can do it the peace of mind of knowing what the legal bill is going to look like at the end of the day is worth making the attempt. It also allows both you and your lawyer to focus on the real issues and not on who to minimize/maximize the bill.

by Howard MacKinnon Check out Divorce Canada as a type of divorce document assembly service mentioned in this report. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Howard_MacKinnon