You are going through a very rough time in your life if you are facing an unwanted divorce. You want to stop the divorce and save your marriage, but you just don't know how. Part of the problem is that many of the most important things for you to do will seem counterintuitive. Here are 7 tips to help you.
- Don't beg your spouse to stay You may be thinking that begging or pleading will give you some leverage, or at least tug on your spouse's heart strings or even make them feel guilty, and in a way you may be right. The problem is that desperation is not an attractive quality, and while you may find this and effective way to stop your divorce today, you will need a more long term strategy to save your marriage, and this behavior will create negative feelings you will find harder to fight further down the road.
- Don't expect a quick fix While you have to find a way to stop your divorce today, you really need to find a way to save your marriage in the long term, or you will keep finding yourself in this situation until one day you are unable to stop it. Understand that you are in it for the long term and try to make changes today that will help both today and in the future.
- Don't try to change your spouse We are probably all guilty of this at one time or another, but the fact remains that you can not change another person. The only person you really have the power to change is yourself. But you can have an influence if you try. If you want to get a different reaction from someone, you have to start out with a different action. In this way, you can draw this different reaction from them and find the combination that gives you the result you are looking for. By understanding this you will help reduce the amount of conflict in your relationship.
- Be willing to change This may seem like an obvious one after the last, but it is important just the same. If you are going to stop your divorce, you have to be willing to change. If you want to get different reactions from your spouse, you have to change your actions. You are going to have to change.
- Show, don't tell your spouse about changes It's really important that you not only are willing to change, but that you actually do so. And just as important as you changing is that your spouse see that you are changing. You have probably gone down the promise road before, where you make a promise to change and then go back to the old ways. Your spouse has doubts. Help alleviate those doubts by showing the changes rather than telling about them.
- Accept criticism, and remain calm Once you are able to open up a dialog about the problems, and you start to show some changes, it is likely that you will begin to hear some criticism from your spouse. Remember that there may still be a lot of fear and doubt in your spouse, and you may hear about all the things that are bothering him or her. Stay calm, accept these criticisms and use them as the basis for changes you will make. By not getting defensive, but rather staying calm and accepting the criticism, you will diffuse the conflict and overcome objections. This is an important step in your quest to save your marriage.
- Try counseling, even if your spouse doesn't This is often difficult advice to take, but it can be a big help. If you can get your spouse to agree to counseling, that is best, but even if you can't, having someone you can talk to who doesn't have a personal stake in your relationship is very important. Having that someone trained to help people through these situations can be even more important. With counseling, even if you are not able to stop your divorce and save your marriage, you will find help and support through a difficult period in your life.
These tips are not all inclusive, but they will help you along the way when you are faced with an unwanted divorce. Though they may seem counterintuitive, they work and you should consider them carefully.
| Whether your spouse has already filed for divorce or is only just thinking about it, it may not be too late to fix things. Find out how you can stop your divorce at http://www.back-together-today.com. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Chris_Steiner |  |
