Radiation cannot circumvent the pain. Chemotherapy cannot erase the trace of it. Like the Aids virus, it has precariously crept into our society without warning and has spread throughout the world in epidemic proportions destroying everything in its path. The hemorrhaging is greater than any bleeding ulcer. This disease is divorce.
Divorce, like any other disease, does not discriminate-it transcends ethnic, racial, age, origin, religious, and socioeconomic lines. "Statistics as of June 1999, reported in National Vital Statistics Reports, June 8, 2000, that there were 8.4 marriages and 4.2 divorces per 1,000 total population. This calculates an approximate 50% divorce rate. Moreover, The Barna Update, December 20, 1999 stated that one-quarter of all Americans have experienced at least one divorce, and that born-again Christians continue to have a higher likelihood of getting divorced than do non-Christians (27% and 24% respectively, a statistically significant difference)."
In corroboration with Barna's findings, I am convinced that divorce is not a social or moral issue but it is a spiritual infestation and infiltration of a diseased demoniac entity bound on destroying the fiber of holy sanctity of matrimony. Although it takes two unified bodies to form the marriage covenant, one self-centered spouse can make the life-altering decision to end it all. This perverted intrusion produces unfulfilled dreams, divided homes, and dysfunctional families that contradict God's intended purpose for the creation of mankind. His vision for creation was for proliferation not segregation. (Genesis 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his mother and father and shall cleave (be joined) to his wife and they shall be one flesh).
Let's discuss one of the primary causes for divorce - infidelity. It is traditionally customary for the cleric to pronounce a mandate at a conclusion of a wedding ceremony, that says "What God has put together, let no man put asunder!" This simply means marriage is for two-not for me you and you! Yet pandemics of infidelity occur on a daily basis, as depicted on television segments such as Divorce Court and Cheaters. Not to mention the limitless boundaries "the cheaters" will cross in order to perform their acts of deceit and deception. A segment on Oprah exposed how a wife's best friend (be careful how you define friendship) engaged in intercourse in the couple's residence, while the wife was upstairs asleep. Which brings me to my point, It is unexplainable to me how a once caring, loving, respectable, honest, Christian (by his own admission) man would willfully commit such a sickening, disgusting, degrading, disrespectful, and unhuman act on his own accord unless he was operating under the influence of some type of supernatural force. Something demonic had to take control of his body, mind, and soul.
Ephesians 6:12 rouse our awareness by stating... "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Rulers imply a multiplicity of forces that has the authority or control, as in this case "rulers of darkness of this world", which equates to demoniac forces. Jesus even had a conversation with a demoniac force that stated his name was "Legion" for there were many -signifying that demons travel in packs. At the origin of this illustration, the man was described as a "lunatick", however, at the conclusion, once Jesus cast out the legion of demons, he was seen as a normal person, performing normal functions. This illustration substantiates my belief that the "abnormal" plague of divorce has taken residence in our nation and has poisoned the principles of what was once considered sacred-marriage.
My images of divorce and infidelity certainly conjure up an illusion of darkness. My second husband became an unknown entity in my life, vexed, possessed--a complete stranger. I share my testimony in the introduction of my book, The Art of Forgiving, revealing how he vehemently evicted my children and me from our house after one year of marriage, as I was recovering from major surgery. This once loving individual who used to romance me and serenade me at my job (even sung to my co-workers a few times), who vowed eternal love to me before God and witnesses in a romantic ceremony on the beach of Ocho Rios, Jamaica, had now transformed to a dark, unrecognizable, stone cold individual.
Naturally, my reaction to his attacks was to retaliate because my flesh was injured. Yes, I tried to self medicate using "off the counter drugs" (heated arguments, begging and pleading, uncontrollable outbreaks of tears) to ward off the enemy's attacks. If I had consulted the spiritual medical journal (The Bible), I would have armed myself with the right weapons (prayer, intercession, fasting, enlisting the help of the saints, spiritual counseling)...."For the weapons of our warfare are not physical (weapons of flesh and blood) but they are mighty before God for the overflow and destruction of strongholds. Mighty weapons are necessary to pull down the strongholds of divorce. Tylenol™ may help a common headache but it is powerless against a migraine, you need a more potent prescribed medication. Therefore, we can't fight the spiritual stronghold of divorce with fleshly medication. Even scientists methodology quantifies that two negatives forces produces a negative.
This infectious syndrome of divorce is also producing sickle cells of enraged children who are seeking acceptance and comfort in gangs, drug rings, prostitution, and yes even in homosexuality, looking for love in ALL the wrong places. Why? Because the sanctimonious domicile (home) which should have provided a foundation and example of love, instruction, discipline, exhortation, and security has been contaminated with termites of mistrust, disrespect, humiliation, argumentation, infidelity, lust, aggravation, suspicion, truancy of fatherly headship, and other bacterial infections. Isaiah 1: 5b-6 profoundly sums up my point of view, "...the whole head is sick, and the whole heart faint. 6) from the sole of the foot even unto the head there is no soundness in it; but wounds and bruises, and putrifying sores: they have not been closed, neither bound up, neither mollified with ointment.
I deem the representation of a spiritual family model is a healing salve for a child. I wholeheartedly adhere to the guidelines of the family structure as outlined in Ephesians 5, with Christ being the head of the man, and the man being the head of the woman. Therefore, in my analysis, it is so important to have a man as the headship and the CEO (commanding executive officer) of the home. A father's role is to be the decision-maker, the provider, the authoritarian, and disciplinarian. He steers and steadies the course of the ship, and the mother anchors it. The mother is the nurturer, the encourager, the teacher, the caregiver, the heavy load sharer, the wisdom bearer, and the restorer of the breach in the home. All ingredients play a key role in the formation of a healthy child. If any of these ingredients are yanked out of a child's life it creates havoc, especially in boys. It's like baking a cake-if any ingredients (flour, sugar, butter, eggs, milk, baking power) are missing from the cake, it will not bake or rise as intended. Let me interject, I do applaud mothers who have raised successful men on their own, but as I stated in my book, The Art of Forgiving, women are not fully equipped to teach boys to be men, especially since we have never been men. We don't understand their need to fight, hunt, play sports or their male bonding issues; however, another man does. Therefore the absence of a parent creates a chemical and spiritual imbalance that lends to mental and social retardation, and a lack of wholesome (body, soul, and spirit) nourishment. The divine oxygen to the brain cells is cut off and the child connects to life supports (gangs, drug rings, orgies, homosexuality) that can only temporarily prolong live.
Now that I have rendered my diagnosis of the symptoms of divorce, I am sure you are inquisitive of hearing the cure? Well, I will be the first to admit, I do not have an instantaneous "cure all" for this disease. However, I have diligently sought and researched in the journal of medicine, commonly referred to as The Holy Bible to find data that I believe will quarantine this dreadful disease:
1. CALL THE SPECIALIST: A general practitioner is not equipped to deal with such an acute and scrupulous outbreak - you need a Specialist! The best diagnosis is a face-to-face encounter with Jehovah Rophi, the God that healeth. We don't need another 12-step program, or another substance intervention program to declare our weaknesses, ("My name is Vickie, and I am a divorcee!"); what we need is Divine Intervention from the Great Physician. My friend, Mary Hargrove (who has gone one to be with the Lord) used to eloquently sing entitled God Specializes. I can hear her singing now - "God specializes in things that seem incurable, and He can do what know other power, but Holy Ghost power, can do." He is the expert in healing all manner of sickness and disease. The "Specialist" has extensive knowledge of the subject matter. His track record is 100%; he has never lost a patient.
2. FOLLOW THE PRESCRIPTION: - Follow the scriptures - it is the prescription for our healing and deliverance from this dreaded disease. 2 Chronicle 7:14 says, If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves and pray, seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land. God promised us that if we would use this formula, that He will heal our land and restore everything the cankerworms and the locust have eaten, that includes our marriages.
3. DON'T OVERINDULGE - PRACTICE RESTRAINT: Colossians 2:20-23 Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: 21 "Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? 22 These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. 23 Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence (New International Version) As a child I was instructed that it was a sin to overeat and when I did I was told that my eyes were too big for my stomach. Well, this case is true when we overindulge in worldly principles. 1 John 2:16 states, For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. Lust is defined as: 1) "an overwhelming craving or desire" and 2) "unrestrained sexual craving". These three things will surely cause a person to fall into temptation and can produce ungodly results - such as separation and divorce. What's the solution - practice restraint! "Practice makes Perfect!"
4. DEVELOP A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE: - Some dieticians and nutritionist believe that the deterioration of our bodies and physical ailments stem from a history of eating the wrong foods. In retrospect, I believe that divorce did not just appear on the scene; it evolved from a history of destructive living principles. Therefore, it is incumbent upon us to take preventive measures to "nip in the bud" the spread of divorce in our communities. In other words, if you know certain foods cause hypertension, stop eating them. If you know that cigarette smoking is the leading cause of cancer, stop smoking. If you know that certain characteristics and attributes are destroying your marriage, stop doing those things. Developing a healthy lifestyle involve several factors:
• Changing your eating habits: - Joshua 1:8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.
• Exercising Daily - Philippians 4:9 Practice what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and model your way of living on it, and the God of peace (of [a]untroubled, undisturbed well-being) will be with you (Amplified Bible).
• Self-Control - Bridling the Tongue - Ephesus 4:26-27 26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: 27 Neither give place to the devil.
Psalm 39:1 I said, I will take heed to my ways, that I sin not with my tongue: I will keep my mouth with a bridle, while the wicked is before me. In the Book of James, the tongue is described as a "deadly poison". Oftentimes we poison each others with destructive words that penetrate the heart and cause a slow and imminent death (which is the definition of divorce). When we learn to treat our spouses in the manner in which we desire to be treated, communication in a marriage can improve. As Hezekiah Walker said in his song, I Need You To Survive, "I won't harm you with words from my mouth, I love you, I need you to survive!"
As I previously stated, I do not pretend to have all the answers to this disease, but in conclusion, I can truly say that my experiences of divorce has given me a totally new respect for those who have successful and long-lasting marriages. You are a true testament to the institute of marriage. The Bible speaks so highly of the institute of marriage; therefore, I am sure it was no coincidence that Jesus performed his first miracle at a wedding feast and admirably described the church as "His Bride". I long for the day when we will return to our first love - the sacrament of marriage and put an end to the dreaded disease of divorce.
