Wise Advice For Coping With Divorce

Ending a marriage is considered one of the most stressful situations a person will be in during the course of their lives. With up to 50% of marriages ending in divorce, it helps to understand that others have been there before. There are methods that can help a person deal with the idea of losing their spouse.

One of the major things to remember is that you do not have to be alone. Support groups abound that can help you to understand what is happening in your life. Separations can be painful, confusing, and overwhelming. By making use of support groups, whether religious, social, or otherwise, you can find some comfort and understanding.

Another important thing to do is acknowledge to your family and friends that the divorce is happening instead of shutting down and pretending nothing is wrong. Let your family and friends into your life. Chances are, they already know something is wrong and would dearly love to comfort you. Shutting them out will only lead to another painful loss.

Be aware of the needs of any children that may be involved. Kids are resilient and can surprise you with their levelheadedness. You do not need to go into overwhelming details about you and your spouse's dirty laundry, but some measure of explanation and reassurance is absolutely necessary. They aren't stupid, just inexperienced in adult interactions. Give them the information they will need to understand and adapt to this change in their lives.

Don't be afraid to seek legal counsel. While you may hope to keep a divorce as amicable as possible, hiring a lawyer will not ruin that. Often times, when a couple is severing their ties, a lawyer can help to keep things in perspective. You may want to give your spouse anything they ask for out of a feeling of guilt or hopes of reconciliation, but this is perhaps not the wisest course. Let someone who has dealt with this before guide both parties to a fair and satisfactory split.

Realize that this is not the end of the world. You don't have to welcome the dissolution of your marriage with open arms, but neither do you have to hide from it. Plenty of people learn from the problems in their marriage and move on to have happy and fulfilling lives. By taking things slowly and giving yourself time to heal, a split can be a growing experience. It may not be much of a silver lining, but it can help you get through the day.

Face this stumbling block in your life head on. By dealing with your divorce in a mature and progressive way, you can make it through this difficult time in your life and move on to the next chapter. Try to stay positive. People have, unfortunately, been in the same position, so why not let their experience and advice help you?

If you're trying to select family law attorney visit AustinDivorceHelp.com. Don't miss the information on howcollaborative divorce attorneys in Austin are changing the way that divorce is done. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Carol_Baugh

What to Do When Your Husband Wants a Divorce

I have a blog in which I share how, with a bit of hard work and good luck, I was able to save my marriage and thwart my husband's attempts at a divorce. My husband was dead set on splitting up and was just not interested in anything I had to say regarding preserving our marriage. This story seems to strike a cord with women, because I so often get comments and emails from wives who tell me that they found me because they desperately want to know how to respond to their husband's request for a divorce. They can't concentrate on legal issues or worry about getting an attorney, because they don't want this divorce, and more than anything else, they want to save their marriage and put a stop to this whole downward spiral.

I can completely identify, as I was in this same place a few years ago. I tried every trick in the book to get my husband to change his mind about the divorce. I tired to call his bluff. I tried to play hard ball. I tried to shower him with attention and affection - and none of it worked, but here's what finally did.

Why What You're Doing Now To Change His Mind About The Divorce Probably Isn't Working: Husband's hate to feel that they are being manipulated. If you are at a point where your husband wants a divorce, then this was probably not a split second decision that happened over night. There have probably been a lot of issues that were brushed over, hurts that were never healed, promises that were not kept, and attempts of reconciliation that have repeatedly failed. You husband likely feels that your marriage is at the point of no return and there's nothing that can be done to change or rescue things.

So, when you come in all full of promises and plans as to why this time is going to really be different, or if you argue and try to convince your husband why he is wrong, he's only going to dig in his heels, determined and convinced that there's no good reason to change his mind. In not so many words, you're communicating to him that he's dead wrong, being selfish, and causing a great deal of problems and pain for all involved. So, he's on the offensive, and as a defense mechanism, he's tuning you out.

This is obviously a major problem. You'll never be able to get him on board with saving the marriage if he won't listen to you or give you the time of day. But, please resist the urge to pull out all of the stops and act desperate or panicked. Don't follow him around, beg him, engage him, threaten him, or participate in any behaviors that are just going to confirm to him that negative things happen every time you are around. You want him to think positive thoughts when he thinks of and interacts with you. So, here's how to reverse this trend.

Validate Your Husband And Jump On His Side: As long as the two of you are on opposing sides, your husband is going to do everything possible to emerge the winner. No one likes to lose. So, you have to set this up where no one is going to be the loser. You have to "side" with your husband and agree with him - (or at least make him think you are). Of course, you know your husband best and you should use your own words, but it goes something like this.

The next time you interact with your husband, tell him that you have been thinking about your situation and you now agree with him. Yes, the marriage is in a grave place. Tell him that this hurts you deeply because he remains the most important person in your life. Assure him that you are finished participating in negative interactions and want to concentrate on improving your interactions, no matter where the relationship is going. Tell him that you're no longer going to engage him or try to change his mind.

Your husband will not believe this, probably. He's going to think this is another ploy on your part, but when you make good on it, over and over again, he's going to be disarmed and see that you're telling the truth. Then, the tension will diminish like a popped balloon and he'll have no reason to avoid you anymore - and this is when things will start to get easier.

Don't Rush Things. Let Him Be The One To Call The Divorce Off: Now, if you pull this off right, you'll usually find yourself in a little better position. The tension will start to fade and you'll find that your husband is a little more receptive to you because he no longer sees you as a threat. But, even if you are experiencing little victories, you must move slowly. You can never allow your husband to suspect that you are really trying to change his mind and the outcome. You want to keep busy, see friends, and do the things that put a smile on your face.

What you're doing is showing your husband that you are still the exciting, busy, vibrant, woman he first fell in love with. Take the time to remember who this woman really is. I'd bet that she's not clingy, threatening, or the walking wounded. She's likely happy, upbeat, open hearted, and easy to be around. You want him to want more of her. So she (you) should not be the one to initiate anything with him. Let him be the aggressor, because this puts you back on equal ground. The best case scenario is that you show him the woman he fell in love with, he wants more of her, and you continue to move slowly.

In the end, what you're doing is showing, (not telling him - because he is not going to believe you anyway) that things really can and have changed. Never hurt your progress by asking for reassurance, commitments, or a definition of your relationship too soon. If you continue to move slowly, you'll get these things eventually, but you don't want to scared him off and waste all of your hard work by pushing too hard.

When my husband wanted a divorce, I made many of the mistakes discussed in this article. I stalked, begged, threatened, tried to overcompensate, and acted very badly. These things back fired. Thankfully, I finally realized I was doing more harm than good and was able to change course and save the marriage. You can read my very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Leslie_Cane

Divorce Attorney - Benefits of Hiring

A marriage can be a wonderful and beautiful thing. It is can be very hard to find someone that you would like to spend your life with, so when you do, you are probably very eager to enter a marriage and begin your life with your new spouse. However, marriage can also be very difficult. Sometimes unforeseen events in life can permanently alter a marriage and things can begin to go wrong.

If things have begun to go wrong in your marriage, and you are thinking of ending the relationship, you will probably want to hire a divorce attorney. Ending a marriage can be a very difficult and drawn out process, so if you are not familiar with all that is involved in a settlement, it is a good idea to have a professional on your side that will guide you through. You and your spouse will both likely be fighting to come out ahead in the settlement, so you will probably want to hire a divorce attorney that you can count on and that has a successful history in these settlements.

It can be very beneficial for you to hire a divorce attorney as soon as you have finalized your choice to end your marriage. You might even want to consult with someone before reaching your final decision, just to familiarize yourself with the process. Talking with someone that can help you becoming acquainted with the process of ending a marriage can go a long ways in making you feel more comfortable with the situation. This can also help relieve some of the stress and anxiety that you may be feeling over the situation.

The processes that your divorce attorney will likely be helping you through can include dividing the assets that you and your spouse have acquired during your marriage, and also in the child custody and support cases if you and your spouse have children. All of these processes can become quite intense, especially if both you and your spouse are fighting tooth and nail for everything. The situation can become particularly complicated when there are children involved because emotions tend to run very high during the custody hearings and both parents usually want to be awarded custody of the children. The benefit of having a professional on your side is that they will have experience in all of these situations and will be able to help you successfully navigate through them and also to hopefully come out ahead in the end.

The reasons why couples decide to call it quits on their marriages are unique and varied, but no matter what your reasoning is, making the decision to end your marriage can be very difficult. If you do decide to end things however, it is usually better to hire a professional from the beginning to make sure that you are being properly represented in the hearings and that you come out ahead at the end of the settlement. Also, if you do decide to hire a professional to guide you through the settlement, make sure to do your homework on all of your options before deciding who to hire.

For more information on the divorce process or for a Corona Family Law Attorney or to schedule a consultation with a Child Custody Lawyer visit the offices of Diefer Law Group

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Justin_DiMateo

Stop Divorce Advice - Three Common Misconceptions You Simply Must Not Believe

Are you looking for a way to stop divorce? There's a lot of advice out there that can help you. Unfortunately, there are also a few misconceptions that can completely sidetrack your efforts. Let's look at three commonly-espoused myths that you simply must ignore if you want to stop your divorce.

MYTH: You Need To Do Therapy As A Couple

There are a lot of people who will tell you that joint therapy is a great way to save a marriage. They'll go so far as to tell you that you must go if you want to stop divorce. Advice like this is completely misguided, though. Did you know that one expert actually reports that couples' therapy only saves marriages about 20% of the time! Eight out of every ten couples get divorced. This is not something you need to do!

MYTH: There's a Point Of No Return

There are some people who will say that troubled marriages can reach a point of no return. They'll argue that it's impossible to save a marriage after that invisible "tipping point". It simply isn't true. There are many cases of people who were able to stop a divorce even after initiating the process. There is no point of no return. Until the divorce is finalized, it is possible to save your marriage.

MYTH: You Can't Do It Alone

Stop divorce advice givers are frequently guilty of assuming that both parties in a marriage need to be active in order to save it. Of all divorce myths, this is probably the most common. It also isn't true. It is possible to rescue a seemingly doomed marriage even when only one spouse is interested in making a change. There are proven systems out there that explain exactly what one person can do to save a marriage and why these strategies work. The idea that "it takes two to tango" has some prima facie appeal, but research and experience prove that one motivated spouse can make the difference.

Don't believe these common misconceptions. Your relationship is not doomed. Even if you're the only one interested in making things work, you can save your marriage. By following a smart, professional and proven plan designed to effectively save a marriage, you can make your relationship much stronger and better than it has ever been! Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Syd_McKeever

Why Pay a Lawyer? Get a Cheap Divorce

By Charlotte Hoaks

How hard is it to get a Do-It-Yourself Divorce? Of course, it will vary, from state to state but after assisting my daughter going through the process, I can say first hand, it was relatively easy. At least that's what we have found here in Texas.

After an internet research, we found books with actual legal forms available for approximately twenty-five dollars. The "How-To" book was state specific. What did the process involve? The divorce required little more than a computer, a bit of skill using MS Word and time to read and follow instructions to complete the forms?

The first document was the "initial filing" known as a "Petition". Once completed, you, the Petitioner, take the document to the County Clerk's office where it is assigned a number then registered as temporary orders establishing custody, support, etc. This filing cost approximately $250 in Texas. The clerk will provide a list of any additional actions required by the judge, county or state such as parenting classes.

The next step is notifying the soon to be EX now identified as the Respondent. The process can be accomplished by a peace officer serving the papers (costing approximately $150) or the Petitioner hand delivering the papers and the Respondent signing a Waiver in front of a notary stating they have been notified. A word of caution, those signing the Waiver should read and understand what they are about to sign. The Waiver is then filed at the County Clerk's office by the Petitioner. At that point a 60 day waiting period is required in Texas. That may vary from state to state.

If the Respondent has signed the Waiver their responsibility in the divorce process is complete. The additional documents will be completed by the Petitioner and after the Decree has been presented, signed by the judge, and filed, the Respondent will get a copy with the final orders from the court.

Completing the Decree is time consuming and involves several "Exhibits" in spite of even the most limited of assets. Some of the documents included are relating to child custody, child support, visitation, division of assets, debt responsibility, and taxes. The key is to read carefully. Visit each of the sample "Exhibits" and complete the ones that apply to your specific situation. The book we used provided captions for each of the required information fields and we stepped through the completion in a matter of about eight hours.

Once the Decree is completed and both parties have agreed to the content, the papers are filed at the County Clerk's office. If the Respondent has signed the Waiver their signature is not required to file the Decree. The Petitioner moves forward with little or no interaction with the Respondent. Again, take the Decree and all supporting documents or "Exhibits" required by the specific situation. Refer to any additional provisions stipulated by the court when the Petition was files. Make sure all appropriate actions have been taken.

Again, there may be a wait of several days before an actual court date is scheduled. In our county, my daughter had to show up at the county clerk's office to sign up for court at a predetermined time and wait her turn.

In my daughter's case, her soon to be EX was the one suggesting divorce. She agreed and basically kept the process rolling. The EX signed the Waiver and the rest was handled without any additional involvement from him. Child support guidelines for each state will differ but it is a percentage of a base salary. The judge will determine if the Respondent's financial obligation listed in the Decree is within the guidelines. With supporting financials, the judge accepted the amount entered in the case of my daughter's Decree.

The final hearing in front of the judge was brief, not more than twenty minutes. The judge gave my daughter a "cheat sheet" She read through the script inserting names as appropriate. The judge reviewed the Decree, asked a few questions and signed it.

That was it, a divorce for $250. The county clerk will notify the Ex at the address he gave on the waiver. My daughter is now ready to begin her new life as a free woman.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Charlotte_Hoaks

Divorce Forces Money Problems For Many

By Landon McGehee 

As the rate of divorce seems to rise, people seem to still be surprised when it happens to them. Financial, emotional, and personal lives are splintered, and torn to pieces. If you don't know someone who has been through a divorce, this article will help you learn about what to avoid and look for when a divorce is inevitable for your future.

The Stop at the Lawyers

When you split up a family you are also going to split up everything from the money, to everything in the house. Mental, emotional and financial strains are difficult. Most often times, people who are breaking up do not feel very giving towards the other person with all the belongings. The husband and wife going through the divorce often times focus on who is getting what, and what they don't want the other person to have in the end.

While looking at the things you have, the money you have, you must also look at the debts and the loans or the credit cards that are in your name. Don't focus just on what you have, but also on what you don't have when splitting everything up in the end of a marriage.

Finding answers, using mediation

Lawyers are going to be costly during a breakup. When possible, think about using a mediator, the process of mediation to put things behind you when going through a divorce. Both the husband and wife are going to have to make a few concessions in both assets and in debts, but the end result is going to be a much faster process. Mediation is most often times going to be less costly than two lawyer bills are going to be.

Avoid getting trapped and paying more than you should. When possible, if you have real estate you want to sell it off so you can get cash from the deals - that may be the best consolidation plan. When possible, and you have shared assets such as stocks as a joint account you may want to consider signing off on portions of the stocks in return for other portions of the stocks. This is going to prevent either of you from having to pay heavy fees and cash in taxes when you don't really have too. When too people are getting a divorce, sometimes the best thing you can possibly do is act like adults and use a third party to save money in many ways.

What financial matters you should think about

Besides the house, and the things you own physically you also have a few other topics you may want to remember to think about. These things include items such as your joint checking, joint savings, joint credit cards, and other valuables such as insurance policies and disability policies. While you may not want to believe it, some joint accounts hold both parties responsible even if divorced. If one husband or one wife were to rack up the credit cards, the other could be held responsible because it is a joint account and for the monies that are outstanding.

One last thing you should think about when breaking a couple up and heading for divorce. Alimony is often a factor when large sums of money are in question, or if one spouse was the bread winner and the other spouse wasn't working. In some areas of the country it is difficult to get alimony while it doesn't mean that it is impossible.

What is divorce going to mean for you

Changes are going to have to be made, which is going to mean rebuilding your finances, your home life, and your family. You may need a smaller house, or you may need to live in a different neighborhood. All the expenses of a house will become your own, and all the expenses of your children if you have any will also need to be addressed.

Now you can remove the confusion in your mind on the topic of best consolidation plan. Learn from our years of experience, visit http://www.everlife.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Landon_McGehee

Parenting Through Divorce and Beyond

By Charles Jamieson

Although there are a few exceptions, divorce often causes major disruptions to the family unit. Naturally, this instability can be frightening to everyone involved-especially to the children of divorcing parents. And, unfortunately, this instability can have long-term effects as well. Even though parents may think they are hiding their insecurities of what the future may hold, and their anger toward their spouse, they convey messages to their children they may not intend. Indeed, parents may not realize that their once commendable behavior, now battered by their irritability from lack of sleep, constant marital conflict, and anxiety about their future, is marked by impatience, inapproachability, or even emotional withdrawal from their children.

Research studies have suggested that providing as much parental harmony - even during and after the divorce is critical to the healthy development of our children's relationships not only in the near future, but far beyond it to adulthood. Indeed, the long-term consequences of parental discord affect children pervasively and consistently in a detrimental fashion, according the data provided by researchers Paul Amato and Alan Booth. They found that children from families with a high degree of discord before and after their divorces tended to have more difficulties in dating -- and less happiness, less interaction, and more conflict in marriage. Not surprisingly, the probability of divorce is higher among children whose parents experienced a high degree of disharmony in marriage and subsequently.

While divorce cannot always be avoided, bad conduct during and after divorce can be. Open, honest, civil communication with your ex-spouse, or soon to be ex-spouse, and your children, is best for every one. Here are some tips for parents who are currently in the midst of a divorce, or have already divorced:

DO:
Tell each child individually that he or she is not the cause of the divorce and will always be loved by both parents.
Be supportive and positive about the child's relationship with the other parent.
Always let the child know when he or she will see the absent parent.
Continue reassuring the children that they can still count on both parents
Deal directly with the other parent. (Don't use the children to make or change plans.)
Be careful when discussing your case with your attorney (or friends) on the phone. Children hear more than we think.
Behave reasonably and rationally so your children know you have made the decision to end your marriage in a careful and thoughtful way.
Establish a home for the children with a place for their belongings (each child should be given at least one drawer in the visiting parent's home for toys, artwork, pajamas, etc. with absolute privacy being guaranteed to the child with respect to this special drawer.)
Be prompt for pickup and drop-off.
Maintain regular telephone contact with the children.
Have children ready in time for visitation and be home, or at the visitation exchange on time to receive the children.

DON'T
Argue in front of the children.
Speak derogatorily about the other parent.
Cancel plans with the children.
Pump the children for information about the other parent.
Use the children to carry angry messages back and forth.
Use the children to deliver support payments or bills.
Ask children with whom they want to live.
Ask a child to keep a secret from the other parent
Appear sad when your child leaves to see the other parent.
Change residences more often than is absolutely necessary.
Believe everything the children say about the other parent.
Introduce your children to your new romantic interest until the children have adjusted to your separation and your new relationship is stable.
Bring your children to court or to your lawyer's office.
As loving parents we make an emotional pact with our spouse when our children are born, to pour our lives and all happiness into them - protecting them from hurt and suffering. Somehow, when our marriage disintegrates we forget our promise to each other. And, as the research suggests, psychological harm affects our children long into their adulthood. Unfortunately, this cycle of discord and broken promises can even continue into the next generation.

Charles D. Jamieson, Esquire, is the founding partner of The Law Firm of Charles D. Jamieson, P.A. in West Palm Beach, Florida. He has practiced family law for more than 25 years and has represented individuals or acted as a legal consultant in divorce and child abuse cases throughout Florida, as well as in more than 20 states during his career Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Charles_Jamieson

Fathers, Don't Wait Until Divorce to Get Involved With Your Children

By Mary Wollard

Recently, I heard a similar comment from two different fathers. One dad was talking about issues that have come up with his children since his divorce a few years ago; the other was talking about parenting issues with his pending divorce.

Both of these fathers saw divorce as an opportunity to spend more time with their children, not less. After all of my years working with families during and after divorce, this didn't surprise me one bit, though I'd never heard a father actually say it.

What these two fathers were talking about was quality time. Because even though the actual number of hours and minutes in the same house with the children was less than before separation, it meant much, much more.

After reflecting on the idea that separation and divorce could actually enhance a father's relationship with the children, I began to realize how many fathers feel unequipped to parent.

It's only natural; Moms tend to spend lots more time caring for the children when they are babies. In addition, Mom often stays home with the children, even if it's just maternity leave from her job, while Dad goes back to work after just a few days.

I think everybody just gets in the habit of Mom being the caretaker and Dad being more of an observer than a participant. The habit, then, is reinforced when Mom won't say she needs or wants help. When Dad does try to do some of the child-rearing, his initial attempts can be clumsy and unwelcome by Mom.

Consequently, many mothers complain about fathers who are totally uninterested in doing anything with the children. At the same time, fathers often feel like they are prevented from fully participating in their children's care because Mom does it all or doesn't like the way they do it.

Unfortunately, by the time the family faces divorce, fathers often end up with less parenting time based upon their lack of involvement with the children during the marriage.

It's no wonder that some fathers feel they are actually spending more time with their children after separation than they were before. The time they now have with the children is unhampered by Mom's tendency to do everything. Instead of feeling like they're in the way, dads can use their parenting time to become fully involved and present with their children.

Dads, don't wait to be asked! Get involved in your children's care now. Moms, if you see Dad trying to help, let him. While it might be tricky at first to work out the differences between your styles, the whole family will benefit.

Mary A. Wollard, JD, is an attorney, mediator, and arbitrator with over 20 years experience in solving the legal issues of divorce, parenting (custody), marital property and support. In addition to helping families through mediation and arbitration, Ms. Wollard provides parenting coordination and decision-making services to families when on-going conflict prevents them from fully implementing their parenting plan after divorce. Visit http://www.cofamilysolutions.com/downloads.htm for free downloadable worksheets you can use to organize your family's transition. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mary_Wollard

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Getting a Divorce? 5 Tips to Avoid a Huge Legal Bill

By Howard MacKinnon

Divorce is not easy at the best of times. But it can be especially difficult when enormous legal bills add to the usually stress and strain. Here are some tips we recommend that you consider to keep your legal bills manageable.

1. Is a lawyer really necessary? Often the answer is "yes". Where else can you go to find out what your legal rights and responsibilities are? But after you get the answers to your questions if may be possible for you to take care of the remainder of your divorce by yourself - possibly with just a little help.

The vast majority of divorce cases are uncontested - the spouses have agreed on the terms of divorce. The relationship is over and needs legal closure. You cannot expect the court office to prepare your paperwork for you but there are some affordable alternatives to law firms.

One is a do-it-yourself divorce kit. You can buy one of these for about $30 at most bookstores or office supply stores. They give you the basic information you need along with the blank forms you will need to fill out. It will still take some time to read through and figure out what they are telling you to do but it has the advantage of being the cheapest possible option.

An easier alternative is a little more costly, between $200 and $300, but still much cheaper than hiring a lawyer. The Internet has several divorce document preparation services which will send you all the forms you need, already completed and ready for you to sign. You just follow the instructions they provide to file the forms with the court office. Yes, this is more expensive than the kits but much easier and will still save you a great deal compared with hiring a law firm.

2. Try mediating instead of litigating. If you are among the 10% or so who have not been able to agree with your spouse on the terms of your divorce, before your lawyers start scrapping hire a mediator. A mediator is a specialist in assisted negotiation who will help you and your spouse come to an agreement on those touchy issues that you have not been able to resolve on your own. Mediation is successful in resolving the majority of disputes and can change your divorce from a courtroom contest into a far less expensive paper shuffle.

Mediation is going to cost you a few thousand dollars so you have to keep the alternative in mind. Sure, if you and your spouse can settle matters without a mediator then that is the way to go. But if the alternative is a court room battle you will both by out tens of thousands of dollars. If you can spend a couple of thousand and avoid this through mediation then the choice is obvious.

3. Free initial consultations are often offered by lawyers looking for your business. Before booking an appointment with a lawyer make sure the first 30 minutes or so will be free or else call someone else. It may be that after getting some preliminary information you will find that you won't need a lawyer to handle your divorce and you can try one of the cheaper alternatives.

4. Understand how a lawyer's bill is calculated. If the hourly rate is $200 then for every message you leave or brief conversation you have you will be billed at least $20. Each time you are tempted to call your lawyer and ask how things are progressing, take out a $20 bill and say goodbye to it - you might reconsider. A better idea is to arrange at the beginning to have copies of all letters written or received by your lawyer forwarded to you. You will still be billed for these copies but they will let you keep tabs on what is happening with your file without incurring any more fees than necessary.

5. Negotiate a flat fee with your lawyer. This may not be easy, or even possible, as most lawyers charge by the hour. But if you can do it the peace of mind of knowing what the legal bill is going to look like at the end of the day is worth making the attempt. It also allows both you and your lawyer to focus on the real issues and not on who to minimize/maximize the bill.

by Howard MacKinnon Check out Divorce Canada as a type of divorce document assembly service mentioned in this report. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Howard_MacKinnon

Life After Divorce - Employment for Independence

By R Walsh

There are many strategies to help you move on, find peace with your new single self, and move beyond the pain of your divorce. If you are considering dating again, that is great. Just because divorce has shaken up your life, remember, you only have one life and you really need to make the most of it. Making the most of employment opportunities is vital to your own happiness and success.

Redefining your career at such a turning point in your life is an extremely proactive way to help you walk the path towards the life you would like to achieve. It may be time for you to re-join the workforce, increase your hours of work, or find a new job altogether. Divorce can play havoc on finances, so having employment you are happy with will be one less stress you need to cope with.

If you are already employed, if you feel up to it, reinvent yourself. Get involved in the areas in which you excel. Accept challenges you may once have shied away from, show your bosses that you mean business and you are worth more than your weight in gold. Stay up to date with any promotions that may become available and learn to trust yourself as a quality employee.

If you have young children, then it may be that you need to work less than you were before divorce. Try not to let this concern you. Embrace your time with your children, they grow all too fast. There are many ways you can work from home to earn some extra income, many of them on the computer, and some amazing resources for information. Don't be scared to follow a dream. Are you good at arts and crafts? Writing? Design? Think outside the square and stay focused, You might be amazed at what can happen.

If you are unemployed or have been out of the workforce and need to re-enter, try not to stress or be overwhelmed. There are plenty of simple easy to follow steps to help you on your way. Make a list of your skills, jobs you have held before and any qualifications you have. Turn these into a resume. If you are not comfortable writing a resume, then have someone do it for you, even if it costs you a few dollars, a professional looking resume is essential. Getting a job is an amazing feeling that can boost your self esteem immensely.

If you are having problems feeling motivated, difficulty keeping a job or finding one, then don't be disheartened. It is the pain of the divorce causing everything to feel more difficult and painful. Look to the future, past all the difficulties, and keep your focus there.

If you are already retired, and have no financial need to seek employment after divorce, then it should not be difficult for you to find positions within the community that would spark your interest. Schools amongst other agencies and companies are often looking for people to teach all sorts of programs and knowledge. Even things as simple as how to be a good housekeeper, caring for children, gardening facts, or if you have business expertise, become a mentor.

The goal is, to find a way to utilize your energy that is both enjoyable and challenging for you. Believe in yourself, boost your self esteem and be proud.

Take Control of your life - Visit: Profile Assistant and join the newsletter for regular updates on divorce, dating and relationships. http://www.profileassistant.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=R_Walsh

How to Get Your Ex-Wife Back

By Tim Feller

To get your ex wife back is difficult but possible. You must understand that women are driven by their emotions, and the fact that your relationship ended probably means that her emotional needs were not being met.

To get her back, you will need to change whatever is necessary to ensure her feelings are not being neglected, and you will need to maintain these changes in yourself. If you feel you can not abide by what she wants, then don't bother trying to win her back as it will only end in tears once more.

If you feel you can meet her emotional needs sufficiently, then the first thing you need to do is make contact at an appropriate time. Simply check up on her well being with a short message in the way you think best. Then you can slowly start to increase the frequency of contact.

Communication is very important, and is a two way process. Listen to what she says, show her that you respect her feelings and opinions. It is very important that she feels her opinions are valued by you. This will also be an opportunity to find out what she feels is wrong in the relationship, but just make sure you're listening for the hints she drops - don't be too up-front about it.

When you are with her, be sure to show that you appreciate her. Try a little flirting, or a compliment, but be subtle. Remember - women have an intuition for these things, and they'll know if you are being truly honest.

Tips to Get Your Ex Wife Back:

-Do not call her repeatedly

-Be prepared to change yourself to meet her needs

-Do not be too emotional in her presence

-Listen to her and respect what she has to say

By supporting and listening to her, you will show that you can meet her emotional needs and you are on your way to winning her back.

While it is not easy to win back the affections of your ex, it can be done. The basics above will get you off to a good start, but it is important to continue to adapt to YOUR situation. If you truly want your ex back then you should do everything possible. For more FREE tips and strategies, check out http://www.getmyexback.co.uk Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tim_Feller

What You Must Know about Your Assets BEFORE You File for a Divorce

By Moreah Ragusa

Making the decision to get a divorce takes time and is often accompanied by feelings of fear, anger, guilt, defeat, and sadness. This is understandable, but not necessary. If you change your outlook on the experience of divorce, and strive to remain open-hearted and open-minded to the many opportunities that naturally accompany divorce, you can actually use the experience to make the changes you know you need to make to have a more fulfilling life.

When getting a divorce, many of us do not consider that sometimes leaving our marriage can wake us up to what we have needed to do all along. Divorce helps us to take stock of our life, and pushes us to tend to the issues that we have been denying or avoiding because we are either afraid or uninterested in dealing with a particular arena of life (parenting, finances, fitness, career) that we feel less competent in, but that really does need some of our attention.

In as much as divorce is a time of completions, it is also a time of new beginnings, which include creating a new financial picture. Before you begin to allow fear rather than reason to take over, and you begin staging yourself to become the opponent rather than ally in protecting the matrimonial assets from your ex, you should find a chartered accountant whom you and your future ex can trust.

BEFORE you even file for separation or divorce, you and your spouse should get a clear picture of your financial house. Become versed in what the true value is of the matrimonial property you shared by getting realistic appraisals on all the matrimonial property you jointly own, including businesses, trailers, cars, boats, art, and any other assets; oh, and don't forget the pension plans!

In many marriages, one of the partners is more financially educated and confident, which may cause feelings of fear and suspicion to foster in the less confident party. If this is the case in your situation, take the time to allow the spouse who is in need of some additional financial guidance to get it BEFORE the discussion of division occurs.

If your accountant is not well versed in the potential tax implications of the division of your assets, consult with a professionally trained tax accountant who is confident in advising you.

After you have worked with professionals to determine what your real asset and liability values are, find a qualified divorce coach or mediator to facilitate your next step: how you can best make the decisions of dividing your assets fairly, with the minimal tax implications, and most creativity, to ensure your money stays in your bank accounts and not the lawyers.

The next step to take on your divorce journey is to determine if you and your ex need independent legal counsel; this varies from province to province and state to state. If independent counsel is required, make sure you find two collaborative lawyers who have a history of working well together, and who are happy to advise you, rather than litigate your file.

To learn more about how to care for the kids' needs in divorce, and to be educated in the needed attitudes and negotiating tools to create the new divorce paradigm, please pick up a copy of my book The New Divorce Paradigm.

Moreah Ragusa is one of North America's most innovative experts in the area of individual and relationship transformation, uniquely focused on the revealing of personal brilliance. She is an author, psychotherapist, registered family mediator, and relationship counselor specializing in divorce. Moreah is also a respected corporate coach, popular speaker and seminar leader. She is the author of four books on spiritual transformation: The New Marriage Paradigm: Inspiring the Transformation and Evolution of Committed Relationships; The New Divorce Paradigm: Transitioning Your Relationship with Integrity; Rediscovering Your Authentic Self: Applying A Course in Miracles to Everyday Life; and Our Cosmic Dance, a candid autobiography offered as a teaching model for personal and relationship growth. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Moreah_Ragusa

Joint Bank Accounts and Divorce

By Bill Stone 

Here are some useful tips on joint bank accounts and divorce. If you've recently been through a divorce - or are contemplating one - you may want to look closely at issues involving joint bank accounts.

Joint Bank Account:

Your income, financial assets, and credit history - and your spouse's - are considerations for a joint account. No matter who handles the household bills, you and your spouse are responsible for seeing that debts are paid. A creditor who reports the credit history of a joint account to credit bureaus must report it in both names.

An application combining the financial resources of two people may present a stronger case to a creditor who is granting a loan or credit card. But because two people applied together for the credit, each is responsible for the debt.

This is true even if a divorce decree assigns separate debt obligations to each spouse. Former spouses who run up bills and don't pay them can hurt their ex-partner's credit histories on jointly-held accounts.

Divorce:

If you're considering divorce or separation, pay special attention to the status of your joint bank accounts. If you maintain joint accounts during this time, it's important to make regular payments so your credit record won't suffer. As long as there's an outstanding balance on a joint account, you and your spouse are responsible for it.

If you divorce, you may want to close joint accounts or accounts in which your former spouse was an authorised user. You can also ask the creditor to convert these accounts to individual accounts.

The creditor can require you to reapply for credit on an individual basis and then, based on your new application, extend or deny you credit.

Bill Stone writes for Direct Online Loans who help homeowners find the best available loans via the http://www.directonlineloans.co.uk website. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Bill_Stone

Helping Kids Cope With Divorce

By Terry Ross 

A lot of children really don't understand, or want to understand the actions of their parents especially when it comes to divorce. Unless one parent is seemingly difficult to cope with, children's love and loyalty is equally split and, when they are relatively sheltered from the tense atmosphere leading up to divorce, they really struggle to accept the finality that divorce brings.

Divorce might bring closure to parents and help them move on but for the children the 'other' parent often is and should be actively involved in their lives and a constant reminder of what was and what could be (in their eyes) again.

At the start it can often feel like their world has just come to an end. The safe and secure life as they knew it has ceased to exist, they have lost a parent (on a day to day basis) and they often don't like what comes in its place. The effect of divorce on the remaining parent can add to the children's feelings of loss and helplessness especially as they are often more emotional, highly strung and possibly negative about the future.

If you want to foster a healthy environment where your children can learn to come to terms with the divorce, accept and move on you need to provide the support and reassurance that they so desperately need.

Make sure you are there for your children. Put your feelings to one side when they are around, reassure them and let them know everything is going to be OK. Let then see their 'other' parent regularly and never try and turn the children against your ex.

While you may be finding divorce difficult don't forget your children are likely to be scared, struggling to cope with the change and any new responsibilities that they may have had to take on.

Top tips:

1. Communicate.

2. Be prepared to talk no matter how hard it is for you. Talk as much as your children want.

3. Don't push your children away. They need to see and feel that their relationship with you is rock solid.

4. Reassurance is critical your children need to know and understand that things might have changed but everything is going to be alright.

5. If you can't cope get help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help with something as life changing as divorce.

6. When you are stressed out and feel unable to handle things make sure you let the children know. They will be able to handle it better if they know what they are dealing with.

7. Never let the children feel that the divorce has anything to do with them.

8. Make it clear from the outset that the divorce is final. There is nothing more unsettling than having the faint hope that things might eventually get back to how they were.

9. Expect life to be difficult for a while, be patient and supportive.

10. Consistency is important make sure a routine remains in place. Lack of routine can easily foster a feeling of insecurity.

11. Make sure you share the fun times. Don't allow yourself to become the bad cop and your ex. the good cop. No matter how hard it is make time for fun.

12. Be positive. How you feel and act can have a tremendous influence how the family recovers from divorce.

For help with divorce visit http://www.commonmarriageproblems.marriagehealth.com/Separation_&_Divorce.html. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Terry_Ross

Divorce Statistics

By Terry Ross 

Searching for divorce statistics? STOP think about why you are looking for them.

If you are considering divorce stop looking at divorce statistics as a way to justify what you are planning to do. So what if the divorce statistics show that nearly half of marriages end in divorce, do you really want to think of your marriage as a statistic?

So you want to get divorced does it really matter how many people have been there before you? Can a divorce statistic really help you make such a life changing decision? And if it can shouldn't you ask yourself why?

A divorce decision should be about you and your partner not about a stack of failed marriages which form part of the latest divorce statistics. You are just kidding yourself if you believe divorce can be justified on the grounds of the misfortune of others. Don't we spend our lives trying not to become a mere statistic so shouldn't it be the same with divorce.

Step back and THINK. What makes you believe you should be seeking a divorce?

Your decision is going to affect the whole family, just not you and your partner so make sure you are 100% sure there is no other option before you communicate your decision to seek a divorce. Before you become a statistic seriously think about why you feel you need to go down the divorce route and consider:

• the emotional impact
• the financial impact
• the impact on the children
• the impact on your home and your family life
• will you actually be any happier

Just another statistic for you - on average couples who get divorced are no happier after they get a divorce than before and are, on average, no happier in a new relationship.

Sorry I side tracked, so back to the matter of divorce statistics and divorce. So what comes hand in hand with divorce? Your standard of living is likely to drop, your social life might suffer and your children might struggle to cope with the loss of a parent in their day to day lives to name just a few of the downsides.

I'm not pointing out how hard it's likely to be to try and stop you seeking a divorce, I am just saying seriously think about it, make an informed decision based on your own personal circumstances and not on a load of divorce statistics. Make sure it is 100% what you want before you do it.

Have you explored all the options and ruled out any hope of being able to save your marriage:

• Is there absolutely no way of saving your marriage?
• Have you tried marriage counselling
• Have you established the route cause of your marriage problems?
• Is there honestly no way of eliminating the cause? Is divorce the only way out?
• What about on-line help?
• Have you tried talking your marriage problems with a trusted family member or a friend? They might help you see your relationship from a new perspective.
• Is divorce really what you want?

Divorce is a major step despite the divorce statistics it's not easy either emotionally or financially. All's I ask is that you explore every options and be sure of what you are doing before taking that final step.

For more on divorce, separation and common marriage problems visit http://www.commonmarriageproblems.marriagehealth.com/Separation_&_Divorce.html. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Terry_Ross

How to Survive a Divorce

By Terry Ross 

With so many marriages ending up in divorce (around 50% in America) there has become an ever increasing need for help in surviving the ordeal of a divorce.

The first thing to you need to do is make doubly sure that there is no way you can save your marriage and that divorce is the only option. If you can be sure that you are not making a mistake in getting divorced the easier it can be to come to terms with the separation.

Once you have made your decision you need to start mentally preparing yourself for the life beyond divorce.

Once you have reached this point and you have filed for divorce there is no point looking back, what has happened is in the past and you now need to look to what needs to be done to make the separation easier and start planning for the future.

Don't go blaming yourself and don't start thinking of yourself as a failure. Divorce happens and so you and your partner haven't got the marriage idea quite right but you now need to learn from any mistakes, let go and move on.

I know it's easy for me to say and the concept of divorce is probably a crushing blow but you can and you will survive this. You know your marriage and you know it can't be saved and that you are seeking divorce with good reason. It makes sense to move on.

You need to try and let go before the end, begin to start making a new life (at least in your mind) before that final bit of paper comes through the door.

Divorce is a whole lot easier if the whole process is amicable. The more fighting and arguing that occurs over custody and finances the more stressful divorce can be. Divorce is hard enough you just don't need or want any added animosity. The harder the divorce the slower the recovery process will be.

Divorced spouse can often be filled with feelings of hatred, anger and self-loathing. Stress levels run high and it just seems impossible to get past the frustration and the continual memories of the failed marriage but divorce has to mean 'the end'. To survive divorce and get on with your life you need to visualise and understand the line drawn under your marriage. You might not like it but you have to accept it.

Don't ever think that because one marriage is failed you won't enjoy a loving relationship again. You need to re-build your self-esteem, accept that many marriages fail and that your divorce doesn't mean you are a failure.

Try and start rebuilding your life and doing something you enjoy every day. Make sure you have time out from going over and over your marriage. Deliberately make extra time for things you enjoy and try and keep your mind occupied for as much of the day as possible.

Obviously evenings are harder and this is when you need to start rebuilding your social life. Don't lock yourself away, get out there, do thinks you enjoy, meet new people and start learning that there is a whole new life waiting for you. See divorce as the beginning and not the end!

If you have children don't use them to get at your ex-spouse. Children suffer enough after a divorce and you need to make it as easy as possible for them. It's also easier for you if you can learn to let go of the anger.

If you believe you can do it then you can do it. Don't let divorce ruin your life, it's your decision to go down with the sinking ship or get back out there and start swimming. You can do whatever you want, you can make it happen. There are a whole load of new opportunities out there just waiting for you to grab them. It's a bit like riding a horse or a bicycle, if you fall off you have to get back on if you don't you'll loose your nerve.

For more on divorce visit http://www.commonmarriageproblems.marriagehealth.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Terry_Ross

Getting Legal Advice From Divorce Lawyers

By Francisco Segura

If you are seeking to employ a divorce lawyer then things have obviously gone wrong in your relationship; some guidelines on what to look for are below:

*Have successfully practiced this area of law for some time

*Know how to take the correct approach

*Be reliable

The best attorney to employ is one who, for at least half their time, is dealing with divorce cases and is fully skilled in mediation techniques. All this will be waste if you do not feel you can trust them, so look for a person you feel comfortable with.

Those attorneys who prefer mediation will look to solve problems by talking and not through the conflict based approach many attorneys wish to provide. To save time when you contact your divorce lawyer, keep conversations brief and to the point, which can be achieved by preparing what you need from them in advance.

Whether you intend to see them or speak on the phone, write everything down as this is the most efficient way to utilize your legal representative and keep a record of dates and times you spoke with them. Physical meetings will cost more so if an item can be dealt with by mail or on the phone this will save money.

Your divorce attorney is just a resource for legal matters so do not try to get them personally involved as that is not their function; if you need emotional support there are others who can help with this. Try always to stick to pertinent facts when speaking to your divorce lawyer, not general complaints about your spouse's behavior as this is just a waste of your money if use them as a sounding board.

Let your lawyer know from the start that you will be in charge of the case and they are there for legal advice and not as someone to lean on when things start getting rough. Your legal representative must be told up front that whilst his or her advice is essential, all decisions regarding the divorce will be made by you. Let them know that copies of any correspondence relating to the case will need to be sent to you along with any other information and if you contact them, to reply as quickly as possible.

There are instances when you may not actually need direct legal representation but may just wish to use the services of a lawyer for advice on legal aspects like a marital settlement. This means that a little research is necessary on your part but once you have completed this, it is much easier to contact a lawyer to ask them specific questions and how they see your case concluding. You may decide to have a divorce lawyer help with your marital settlement agreement, either to draft one or just to check over one you have made yourself then contact them if you get stuck or confused.

Francisco Segura owns and operates http://privateinvestigatorcorner.com/private-investigator-association.html Private Investigator Association Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Francisco_Segura

The 9 Things that You Must Tell Your Divorce Attorney

By Leigh Carson

Divorce is hard. Whether you have been married for a very short time or many years, divorce is the end of hopes and dreams. Divorce is expensive, emotionally and financially.

Some people choose to represent themselves, and this advice is not for those brave souls. It must be repeated here that it is often said that an attorney who represents himself or herself has a fool for a client, and the same is surely true of the non-attorney who acts as his or her own attorney.

If you have an attorney for your divorce (or modification or other family law matter), here is a list of the 9 things that you must be certain your attorney knows.

1. The single most important thing to me:
2. The second most important thing to me:
3. The following things are important to me, but they are not essential. I am willing to negotiate about these items:
4. The following items are not all that important to me, but I would like to keep them in mind as part of my overall outcome:
5. The following things are of no consequence to me whatsoever:
6. Are my goals realistic and if not, why not:
7. This is what I think are the most important things for you to know about the other person or people on the other side of the case:
8. What I think is the most important thing to the other person or people involved in this case:
9. What I think is the greatest tissue between me and the other person or people involved in this case:

If you are worried that your attorney will think an honest answer to any of these questions will be silly or petty, you have the wrong attorney.

Always remember that the court system and the laws are not always going to be what you perceive to be fair, and sometimes the answer to whether something can or will happen will be "no", and the explanation will be "because it just won't happen." That does not mean that you have a bad attorney, just an honest one.

Giving your attorney your answers to these questions will allow your attorney to better prepare tot handle your case and also to better serve you and your needs.

Leigh Joy Carson, St. Louis Family Law Attorney http://www.thecarsonlawfirm.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Leigh_Carson

Finding A Divorce Attorney

By Guna Seelan

Divorce is a difficult time for anyone to contend with, and it can be made more complicated by the involvement of lawyers and the ultimate squabbling over money. With the right divorce attorney in the ideal world, your separation should be a straightforward communicative exercise in which a fair and just conclusion is reached for both parties without the need for litigation or costly ongoing legal expenses. Unfortunately, it rarely works like that in practice, which can make that first decision to choose a divorce attorney all the more important. So what should you look for in a divorce attorney, and how can you make sure the attorney you've chosen is up to the job?

The first thing to look for when choosing an attorney for divorce is whether or not family law is his area of practice. Family law and divorce in particular is a specialized area of the law in which many practitioners solely operate, giving them an unrivaled in-depth knowledge when it comes to the ins and outs of dividing estates and divorce. However there are also countless local practices with one attorney or a couple of attorneys in partnership providing the full range of legal services which isn't the best route to go down. Specialization will give an advantage in court so make sure your attorney is a dedicated family law and divorce professional, rather than a general attorney who takes whatever work he can find.

Characteristically, attorneys are shy when it comes to discussing their fees - until, that is, they're looking to get paid! That's why you want a divorce lawyer that is upfront and honest with you in terms of what you're likely to have to pay, and what your current account balance stands at. Some attorneys offer a periodic invoice system or payment plan, which may also be helpful in allowing you to stagger payments if you have liquidity problems or can't really afford to go through the process of divorce.

Next you want to make sure that the attorney you do select is very much 'on your side'. Some attorneys, albeit towards the bottom of the scale, take minimal interest in what it is their clients are looking to achieve, but rather adopt the approach of opting for the path of least resistance in getting through the case and getting paid. Of course this isn't an ideal situation if you end up as that unfortunate client, so make sure you get a recommendation from a friend or reputable source prior to committing yourself to his services.

Choosing a solicitor is not an easy process by any means, and it is one that requires a great deal of foresight and perceptiveness. Of course no one really knows what's round the corner but it is important to try as hard as you can to predict where your lawyer may trip up prior to the complications that any divorce case can bring. Choosing carefully initially will help you avoid the potential disaster that is changing half way through the divorce proceedings.

For information on finding an attorney for divorce or on divorce law, or resources on serving divorce papers visit DivorceAdvisor.org. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Guna_Seelan

Need a Divorce Lawyer?

By Howard Kline

Intro

Divorce can be a very difficult and painful process. To help with this, you will need a knowledgeable, determined and compassionate divorce lawyer who will explain your legal rights in easy-to-understand terms. As difficult as it may be for the couples involved with the divorce, it can be even more challenging for any children involved. Before making the final decision to divorce, it is the opinion of this author that couples with children exhaust every possible solution to resolve the marriage. If you feel divorce is your only option, then know that the path to healing comes much quicker when each party devotes themselves to as peaceful a resolution as possible. No matter what your issues, a divorce lawyer can help you figure out the specifics of your case.

Legal Separation

For those with religious concerns, a legal separation is a possible alternative to getting an official divorce. Though still technically married, you can get a court order for a legal separation and it can cover such things as:

* child custody
* child visitation
* child support
* property and debt division
* spousal support

Children

Understandably, the biggest concern most couples have is what to do with their children. Child custody rights may be shared by both parents or, primary child custody rights may be awarded to one parent or legal guardian. It's important to note that child support payments are not taxable to the person receiving the payments, and are likewise not deductible by the person making the payments. When couples are not in agreement, child custody is determined by courts when couples. It's advisable to minimize disputes regarding children as much as possible because child custody disputes are often extremely disrupting for all involved, but especially for the kids.

Conclusion

The clearer a couple can be in their agreement on what to do about children, debts and other financial related information, the better. This way, the energy can be spent on working to possibly repair the damaged relationship.

Howard is a contributing author to PrincipledLawyer.com, a source of information for those seeking more information on divorce lawyers and home negligence lawyers among other related topics. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Howard_Kline

Getting a Separation or Divorce? Talk To Your Children

By Mary Wollard

So you and your spouse are separating or thinking about divorce. Have you told your children yet?

Parents do not separate or divorce on the spur of the moment. Weeks, months, or even years can go by while people move away from the relationship and toward separation and divorce. Many parents want to hide this whole process from their children until decisions have been made and plans firmed up. This is a mistake.

The fact is that children know when things are not right at home. While adults filter information, rationalize their actions and deny their feelings, children deal with the world around them much more directly. Separation and divorce is difficult for children of all ages, but will be much harder if the adults they rely on do not talk honestly with them.

Before one parent starts packing or moves out, tell the children what is going on, even if you don't have all the details worked out yet. Although you and your husband/wife might be hurt and angry with one another, give your children the courtesy of talking with them together. The children need to know that neither of you is "divorcing" them.

But if you don't know exactly what is going to happen, what do you tell the children? Tell them as much as you can about what you do know about your plans. Tell them as much as you can, without being hurtful or attributing blame, about why you have made this decision. Tell them as much as you can about the changes they can expect. And definitely tell them that they did not cause the separation or divorce.

Even though the words and depth of the discussion will differ slightly, you can use these guidelines regardless of the ages of the children. If you're stuck for what to say or how to say it, mediation can help you develop a plan.

Mary A. Wollard, JD, is an attorney, mediator, and arbitrator with over 20 years experience in solving the legal issues of divorce, parenting (custody), marital property and support. Visit http://www.cofamilysolutions.com/downloads.htm for free downloadable worksheets you can use to organize your family's transition. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mary_Wollard

How Quick is a Divorce?

By Victor Anicama 

One of the universal misconceptions about divorce is the idea that it will be over quickly. Then all the parties can get on with their lives as though nothing happened.

In fact, your divorce can cost more money and take a longer time to settle than you ever imagined. For many couples, the whole process usually takes one to two years-even simple divorces that both parties thought would take only six months. The cost can range from several hundred dollars to several thousand.

To understand the costly nature of divorce, you must recognize the high price of splitting one economic unit in half. On the surface, an equitable property division would seem to mean each person walks away with half of what was shared by two, and is therefore left with enough to support one. But in the mathematics of divorce, the equation does not work out that way. Spouses have unequal salaries and earning potential. And many people today live beyond their means.

When it comes time to divide one household into two, there is rarely enough money to go around. That holds true as much for young married couples with little property as it does for wealthy couples with assets accumulated over many years. When a catastrophic event such as divorce hits, the fragile economic base for these couples is torn apart much as an earthquake loosens a house from its foundation, leaving everything in disarray.

Recognizing that everything takes longer and costs more can help you through those moments when you are suddenly faced with an unexpected debt or an unwanted delay in your divorce.

Maybe you have gotten used to the idea that your divorce will cost you dearly. What do you do with that knowledge? Be willing to accept a change in your lifestyle. Face it, you may have to borrow money, move, get a second job, or buy a used car instead of a new one. Be prepared for an economic pinch, at least for a while.

You will have to resist the very understandable temptation to splurge when your marriage is ending. The fact that you have to prepare for lean times also means that you must pay special attention to each financial decision you will make in divorce. In the end, the expense of the divorce itself means you must begin conserving your financial resources now.

Learn more about a Quick Divorce Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Victor_Anicama