Divorce - Handling the First Few Days is Crucial

Ideally, divorce is something you see coming a long way off. That allows you to prepare yourself and the children emotionally, while you systematically make your way through that almost endless "to do" list.

Ideally.

In reality, divorces are often "sprung" on one of the spouses, and very often the one doing the "springing" has moved way ahead of the other regarding child custody, primary residence, lawyers, bank accounts, and "who gets what." And, of course, sometimes there's another person waiting in the wings.

It's very poignant to be asked for help by someone who's basically still in shock. They have to operate on two tracks. They now have to "catch up" and respond, agree, or challenge the rapidly developing situation on the ground, while simultaneously coping with the implosion of their inner life.

That's why one of my first tasks is to establish if there's something pressing down right away - in the next few days, or so - that needs to be talked about and thought through. It might be work-related - a project deadline, an interview, a key decision. It might be about one of the kids - a school consultation, a behavior problem needing attention. Or, it may even be to find a new place to live.

The first few days are like walking underwater - you may well wish you could lie in bed with the covers over your head, but the world (and especially the kids) still expect you to function and perform.

The point is that, yes, the "story" of your marriage does need to be talked about, finally, if you're going to make sense of it, learn, and even make it into something better. That means therapy, counseling, or coaching at some point.

In the mean time, though, you need to function adequately at work, manage your obligations, break the news to your family and friends, and all the while, your kids are watching you like a hawk. They need you to not buckle.

The first few days, if handled well, can go a long way toward minimizing the overall damage. If both sides "jump ugly" - hire shark lawyers, try to get the kids to take their side, make moves on community property, or scream at each other - the bad taste can last, not just years, but forever.

So I've learned that helping people put one foot in front of the other, early - while they handle the tasks immediately on their plate - is much better than getting too deep, too soon on the "meaning" of the divorce. Healing will come in its time.

For more information, support, and ideas about divorce, visit The Divorce Conversation athttp://divorceconversation.wordpress.com Shaun Kieran has been helping people learn from the events in their lives for many years. He is a Professional Coach and Consultant. His blog is The Divorce Conversation. He also addresses work issues on The Human Workplace at http://springpointservices.com/blog Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Shaun_Kieran

Divorce Advice - How a Celebrity Can Help You

This has been an incredible period for celebrity divorces. Madonna and Guy Ritchie recently finished a round of splitsville paparazzi style. The Christie Brinkley- Peter Cook battle was being broadcast like an actual crisis had hit the country. While it was eventually settled out of court, there are signs that certain issues may reignite the whole fiasco.

And what about Paul McCartney? After a long and nasty fight, the former Beatle was ordered to pay ex wife Heather Mills over 48 million dollars which is a fraction of what she was asking for. Now it looks like McCartney may have had a few choice words for Ms Mills in his latest song.

Next up on the docket is Rolling Stone guitarist Ron Wood whose rumored divorce and possible settlement could top 100 million. It also appears that Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid may find themselves on less than peaceful terms when they face off in court.

Of course high profile celebrities are not the only ones doing legal battle with their former significant others but there are some things which can act as a roadmap in regards to what not to do in a divorce.

1. Scorched Earth

There is a tendency for some celebrity couples going thru a divorce to carry out a strategy of total destruction. It's not so much that they care about the settlement (although that of course is a major part of things); it is that they are out to destroy and humiliate the other person in such a way that they would not dare show their face in public again. Turning a divorce into the War of the Roses does not benefit either party.

2. Winners and Losers

A win-win situation is the idea solution because it can be a major catalyst in helping both parties move forward with their lives. In too many instances, one person wins or at least declares victory; the other one is beaten. That means the chances of bitterness and resentment lingering for a long time is very strong. If for some reason you have to deal with your ex in the future, you can expect them to give you a hard time no matter how important or minor the issue.

3. The Aftermath

For a number of divorced celebrities there seems to be no letting it go. They were put through the ringer and irregardless of winning or losing, they find themselves revisiting the divorce over and over again in some form or another. Maybe the paparazzi won't come to your door and ask you questions about your break up but constantly going over that same ground in less than pleasant terms with friends, family, or co workers is not going to do anything for your state of mind.

No doubt we are going to hear about many more celebrity divorces and quite a few are going to be drawn out malicious affairs where everything is dragged before the public. If you are going through a divorce just look at some of the tabloids and television shows to understand what not to do.

Article written by Daryl Campbell - Find out how to deal with a divorce the right way at The Relationship Tip Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Daryl_Campbell