7 Tips to Help Stop Your Divorce

You are going through a very rough time in your life if you are facing an unwanted divorce. You want to stop the divorce and save your marriage, but you just don't know how. Part of the problem is that many of the most important things for you to do will seem counterintuitive. Here are 7 tips to help you.

1. Don't beg your spouse to stay You may be thinking that begging or pleading will give you some leverage, or at least tug on your spouse's heart strings or even make them feel guilty, and in a way you may be right. The problem is that desperation is not an attractive quality, and while you may find this and effective way to stop your divorce today, you will need a more long term strategy to save your marriage, and this behavior will create negative feelings you will find harder to fight further down the road.
2. Don't expect a quick fix While you have to find a way to stop your divorce today, you really need to find a way to save your marriage in the long term, or you will keep finding yourself in this situation until one day you are unable to stop it. Understand that you are in it for the long term and try to make changes today that will help both today and in the future.
3. Don't try to change your spouse We are probably all guilty of this at one time or another, but the fact remains that you can not change another person. The only person you really have the power to change is yourself. But you can have an influence if you try. If you want to get a different reaction from someone, you have to start out with a different action. In this way, you can draw this different reaction from them and find the combination that gives you the result you are looking for. By understanding this you will help reduce the amount of conflict in your relationship.
4. Be willing to change This may seem like an obvious one after the last, but it is important just the same. If you are going to stop your divorce, you have to be willing to change. If you want to get different reactions from your spouse, you have to change your actions. You are going to have to change.
5. Show, don't tell your spouse about changes It's really important that you not only are willing to change, but that you actually do so. And just as important as you changing is that your spouse see that you are changing. You have probably gone down the promise road before, where you make a promise to change and then go back to the old ways. Your spouse has doubts. Help alleviate those doubts by showing the changes rather than telling about them.
6. Accept criticism, and remain calm Once you are able to open up a dialog about the problems, and you start to show some changes, it is likely that you will begin to hear some criticism from your spouse. Remember that there may still be a lot of fear and doubt in your spouse, and you may hear about all the things that are bothering him or her. Stay calm, accept these criticisms and use them as the basis for changes you will make. By not getting defensive, but rather staying calm and accepting the criticism, you will diffuse the conflict and overcome objections. This is an important step in your quest to save your marriage.
7. Try counseling, even if your spouse doesn't This is often difficult advice to take, but it can be a big help. If you can get your spouse to agree to counseling, that is best, but even if you can't, having someone you can talk to who doesn't have a personal stake in your relationship is very important. Having that someone trained to help people through these situations can be even more important. With counseling, even if you are not able to stop your divorce and save your marriage, you will find help and support through a difficult period in your life.

These tips are not all inclusive, but they will help you along the way when you are faced with an unwanted divorce. Though they may seem counterintuitive, they work and you should consider them carefully.

Whether your spouse has already filed for divorce or is only just thinking about it, it may not be too late to fix things. Find out how you can stop your divorce at http://www.back-together-today.com. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Chris_Steiner

Islamic Divorce in US Courts

Islamic Divorce Obtained in a Foreign Country

U.S. Courts do not apply Islamic Shari'a law because it violates the Establishment Clause set in the United States Constitution; they apply foreign law when necessary. American Courts do apply foreign law in certain cases involving international principle known as "conflict of Laws," or "Private International Law." This is referred to in U.S. courts as "the doctrine of comity".

In the area of Private International Law, Comity is a courtesy, amity, and reciprocity by U.S. courts towards court decision issued in other nations. Such a consideration by U.S. courts does not entail an obligation to agree with the rulings of foreign judgments. There is therefore a distinction between the doctrine of comity and law.

Public International Law can become part of the national law when the country has its signature on that law, Private international Law however, does not have the same level of recognition by U.S. Courts. The issue of comity is raised in Islamic divorce cases when a person who resides legally in the United States travels to a foreign country and obtain a certificate of divorce from a religious court.

The intent is to obtain an instant divorce by pronouncing triple talaq (divorcing his wife three times in a few minutes.) Such an action leaves the wife with nothing more than a nominal deferred mahr, and takes advantage of the child custody, which discriminates against the women and to label the wife as bad Muslim.

The man then returns to the United States and serves his wife with divorce papers demanding the implementation of the divorce according to the Islamic Shari'a, claiming that the "doctrine of comity" applies to his case.

To determine whether to apply a foreign law, U.S. courts turn to Private International Law, including the "doctrine of comity." Thus the application of the principle of comity is not mandatory, but is rather a matter of custom. They may deny the application of comity if the judges deem the foreign laws is "repugnant" to U.S. principle of law.

Generally, a judgment of divorce for example issued in a foreign country is recognized in the U.S. on the basis of comity, provided both parties to the divorce received adequate notice, i.e. service of process and, generally, provided one of the parties has a domicile in the foreign nation at the time of divorce, and the foreign court has given opportunity to both parties to present their case, and the trial was conducted upon regular proceedings after due citation or voluntary appearance of the litigants, and under a system of jurisprudence likely to secure an impartial administration of justice between the citizens of its own country, and those of other countries, an no prejudice towards either party and should not violate a strong U.S. principle of law, and the parties were present in court.

An Islamic triple talaq differs substantially with respect to property division. Under Islamic Shari'a, wives may be entitled to a deferred mahr, which is, in most cases, much less than what U.S. courts order; above all, U.S. courts will not accept an Islamic divorce certificate obtained in a foreign country if the cause of action on which the divorce is based is "repugnant" to the public policy of the State in which the case is litigated.

Gabriel Sawma is Professor of Middle East Constitutional Law and Islamic Shari'a. He is an expert on Islamic marriage contracts and Islamic divorce. Editor of an International Law website: http://www.gabrielsawma.blogspot.com Author of "The Qur'an: Misinterpreted, Mistranslated and Misread. The Aramaic Language of the Qur'an." http://www.syriacaramaicquran.com Author of an upcoming book on Islamic Divorce in US Courts. Email: gabrielsawma@yahoo.com; gabygms@gmail.com; tel. (609) 915-2237. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Gabriel_Sawma

Divorce - Handling the First Few Days is Crucial

Ideally, divorce is something you see coming a long way off. That allows you to prepare yourself and the children emotionally, while you systematically make your way through that almost endless "to do" list.

Ideally.

In reality, divorces are often "sprung" on one of the spouses, and very often the one doing the "springing" has moved way ahead of the other regarding child custody, primary residence, lawyers, bank accounts, and "who gets what." And, of course, sometimes there's another person waiting in the wings.

It's very poignant to be asked for help by someone who's basically still in shock. They have to operate on two tracks. They now have to "catch up" and respond, agree, or challenge the rapidly developing situation on the ground, while simultaneously coping with the implosion of their inner life.

That's why one of my first tasks is to establish if there's something pressing down right away - in the next few days, or so - that needs to be talked about and thought through. It might be work-related - a project deadline, an interview, a key decision. It might be about one of the kids - a school consultation, a behavior problem needing attention. Or, it may even be to find a new place to live.

The first few days are like walking underwater - you may well wish you could lie in bed with the covers over your head, but the world (and especially the kids) still expect you to function and perform.

The point is that, yes, the "story" of your marriage does need to be talked about, finally, if you're going to make sense of it, learn, and even make it into something better. That means therapy, counseling, or coaching at some point.

In the mean time, though, you need to function adequately at work, manage your obligations, break the news to your family and friends, and all the while, your kids are watching you like a hawk. They need you to not buckle.

The first few days, if handled well, can go a long way toward minimizing the overall damage. If both sides "jump ugly" - hire shark lawyers, try to get the kids to take their side, make moves on community property, or scream at each other - the bad taste can last, not just years, but forever.

So I've learned that helping people put one foot in front of the other, early - while they handle the tasks immediately on their plate - is much better than getting too deep, too soon on the "meaning" of the divorce. Healing will come in its time.

For more information, support, and ideas about divorce, visit The Divorce Conversation athttp://divorceconversation.wordpress.com Shaun Kieran has been helping people learn from the events in their lives for many years. He is a Professional Coach and Consultant. His blog is The Divorce Conversation. He also addresses work issues on The Human Workplace at http://springpointservices.com/blog Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Shaun_Kieran

Divorce Advice - How a Celebrity Can Help You

This has been an incredible period for celebrity divorces. Madonna and Guy Ritchie recently finished a round of splitsville paparazzi style. The Christie Brinkley- Peter Cook battle was being broadcast like an actual crisis had hit the country. While it was eventually settled out of court, there are signs that certain issues may reignite the whole fiasco.

And what about Paul McCartney? After a long and nasty fight, the former Beatle was ordered to pay ex wife Heather Mills over 48 million dollars which is a fraction of what she was asking for. Now it looks like McCartney may have had a few choice words for Ms Mills in his latest song.

Next up on the docket is Rolling Stone guitarist Ron Wood whose rumored divorce and possible settlement could top 100 million. It also appears that Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid may find themselves on less than peaceful terms when they face off in court.

Of course high profile celebrities are not the only ones doing legal battle with their former significant others but there are some things which can act as a roadmap in regards to what not to do in a divorce.

1. Scorched Earth

There is a tendency for some celebrity couples going thru a divorce to carry out a strategy of total destruction. It's not so much that they care about the settlement (although that of course is a major part of things); it is that they are out to destroy and humiliate the other person in such a way that they would not dare show their face in public again. Turning a divorce into the War of the Roses does not benefit either party.

2. Winners and Losers

A win-win situation is the idea solution because it can be a major catalyst in helping both parties move forward with their lives. In too many instances, one person wins or at least declares victory; the other one is beaten. That means the chances of bitterness and resentment lingering for a long time is very strong. If for some reason you have to deal with your ex in the future, you can expect them to give you a hard time no matter how important or minor the issue.

3. The Aftermath

For a number of divorced celebrities there seems to be no letting it go. They were put through the ringer and irregardless of winning or losing, they find themselves revisiting the divorce over and over again in some form or another. Maybe the paparazzi won't come to your door and ask you questions about your break up but constantly going over that same ground in less than pleasant terms with friends, family, or co workers is not going to do anything for your state of mind.

No doubt we are going to hear about many more celebrity divorces and quite a few are going to be drawn out malicious affairs where everything is dragged before the public. If you are going through a divorce just look at some of the tabloids and television shows to understand what not to do.

Article written by Daryl Campbell - Find out how to deal with a divorce the right way at The Relationship Tip Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Daryl_Campbell