The 9 Things that You Must Tell Your Divorce Attorney

By Leigh Carson

Divorce is hard. Whether you have been married for a very short time or many years, divorce is the end of hopes and dreams. Divorce is expensive, emotionally and financially.

Some people choose to represent themselves, and this advice is not for those brave souls. It must be repeated here that it is often said that an attorney who represents himself or herself has a fool for a client, and the same is surely true of the non-attorney who acts as his or her own attorney.

If you have an attorney for your divorce (or modification or other family law matter), here is a list of the 9 things that you must be certain your attorney knows.

1. The single most important thing to me:
2. The second most important thing to me:
3. The following things are important to me, but they are not essential. I am willing to negotiate about these items:
4. The following items are not all that important to me, but I would like to keep them in mind as part of my overall outcome:
5. The following things are of no consequence to me whatsoever:
6. Are my goals realistic and if not, why not:
7. This is what I think are the most important things for you to know about the other person or people on the other side of the case:
8. What I think is the most important thing to the other person or people involved in this case:
9. What I think is the greatest tissue between me and the other person or people involved in this case:

If you are worried that your attorney will think an honest answer to any of these questions will be silly or petty, you have the wrong attorney.

Always remember that the court system and the laws are not always going to be what you perceive to be fair, and sometimes the answer to whether something can or will happen will be "no", and the explanation will be "because it just won't happen." That does not mean that you have a bad attorney, just an honest one.

Giving your attorney your answers to these questions will allow your attorney to better prepare tot handle your case and also to better serve you and your needs.

Leigh Joy Carson, St. Louis Family Law Attorney http://www.thecarsonlawfirm.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Leigh_Carson

Finding A Divorce Attorney

By Guna Seelan

Divorce is a difficult time for anyone to contend with, and it can be made more complicated by the involvement of lawyers and the ultimate squabbling over money. With the right divorce attorney in the ideal world, your separation should be a straightforward communicative exercise in which a fair and just conclusion is reached for both parties without the need for litigation or costly ongoing legal expenses. Unfortunately, it rarely works like that in practice, which can make that first decision to choose a divorce attorney all the more important. So what should you look for in a divorce attorney, and how can you make sure the attorney you've chosen is up to the job?

The first thing to look for when choosing an attorney for divorce is whether or not family law is his area of practice. Family law and divorce in particular is a specialized area of the law in which many practitioners solely operate, giving them an unrivaled in-depth knowledge when it comes to the ins and outs of dividing estates and divorce. However there are also countless local practices with one attorney or a couple of attorneys in partnership providing the full range of legal services which isn't the best route to go down. Specialization will give an advantage in court so make sure your attorney is a dedicated family law and divorce professional, rather than a general attorney who takes whatever work he can find.

Characteristically, attorneys are shy when it comes to discussing their fees - until, that is, they're looking to get paid! That's why you want a divorce lawyer that is upfront and honest with you in terms of what you're likely to have to pay, and what your current account balance stands at. Some attorneys offer a periodic invoice system or payment plan, which may also be helpful in allowing you to stagger payments if you have liquidity problems or can't really afford to go through the process of divorce.

Next you want to make sure that the attorney you do select is very much 'on your side'. Some attorneys, albeit towards the bottom of the scale, take minimal interest in what it is their clients are looking to achieve, but rather adopt the approach of opting for the path of least resistance in getting through the case and getting paid. Of course this isn't an ideal situation if you end up as that unfortunate client, so make sure you get a recommendation from a friend or reputable source prior to committing yourself to his services.

Choosing a solicitor is not an easy process by any means, and it is one that requires a great deal of foresight and perceptiveness. Of course no one really knows what's round the corner but it is important to try as hard as you can to predict where your lawyer may trip up prior to the complications that any divorce case can bring. Choosing carefully initially will help you avoid the potential disaster that is changing half way through the divorce proceedings.

For information on finding an attorney for divorce or on divorce law, or resources on serving divorce papers visit DivorceAdvisor.org. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Guna_Seelan

Need a Divorce Lawyer?

By Howard Kline

Intro

Divorce can be a very difficult and painful process. To help with this, you will need a knowledgeable, determined and compassionate divorce lawyer who will explain your legal rights in easy-to-understand terms. As difficult as it may be for the couples involved with the divorce, it can be even more challenging for any children involved. Before making the final decision to divorce, it is the opinion of this author that couples with children exhaust every possible solution to resolve the marriage. If you feel divorce is your only option, then know that the path to healing comes much quicker when each party devotes themselves to as peaceful a resolution as possible. No matter what your issues, a divorce lawyer can help you figure out the specifics of your case.

Legal Separation

For those with religious concerns, a legal separation is a possible alternative to getting an official divorce. Though still technically married, you can get a court order for a legal separation and it can cover such things as:

* child custody
* child visitation
* child support
* property and debt division
* spousal support

Children

Understandably, the biggest concern most couples have is what to do with their children. Child custody rights may be shared by both parents or, primary child custody rights may be awarded to one parent or legal guardian. It's important to note that child support payments are not taxable to the person receiving the payments, and are likewise not deductible by the person making the payments. When couples are not in agreement, child custody is determined by courts when couples. It's advisable to minimize disputes regarding children as much as possible because child custody disputes are often extremely disrupting for all involved, but especially for the kids.

Conclusion

The clearer a couple can be in their agreement on what to do about children, debts and other financial related information, the better. This way, the energy can be spent on working to possibly repair the damaged relationship.

Howard is a contributing author to PrincipledLawyer.com, a source of information for those seeking more information on divorce lawyers and home negligence lawyers among other related topics. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Howard_Kline

Getting a Separation or Divorce? Talk To Your Children

By Mary Wollard

So you and your spouse are separating or thinking about divorce. Have you told your children yet?

Parents do not separate or divorce on the spur of the moment. Weeks, months, or even years can go by while people move away from the relationship and toward separation and divorce. Many parents want to hide this whole process from their children until decisions have been made and plans firmed up. This is a mistake.

The fact is that children know when things are not right at home. While adults filter information, rationalize their actions and deny their feelings, children deal with the world around them much more directly. Separation and divorce is difficult for children of all ages, but will be much harder if the adults they rely on do not talk honestly with them.

Before one parent starts packing or moves out, tell the children what is going on, even if you don't have all the details worked out yet. Although you and your husband/wife might be hurt and angry with one another, give your children the courtesy of talking with them together. The children need to know that neither of you is "divorcing" them.

But if you don't know exactly what is going to happen, what do you tell the children? Tell them as much as you can about what you do know about your plans. Tell them as much as you can, without being hurtful or attributing blame, about why you have made this decision. Tell them as much as you can about the changes they can expect. And definitely tell them that they did not cause the separation or divorce.

Even though the words and depth of the discussion will differ slightly, you can use these guidelines regardless of the ages of the children. If you're stuck for what to say or how to say it, mediation can help you develop a plan.

Mary A. Wollard, JD, is an attorney, mediator, and arbitrator with over 20 years experience in solving the legal issues of divorce, parenting (custody), marital property and support. Visit http://www.cofamilysolutions.com/downloads.htm for free downloadable worksheets you can use to organize your family's transition. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mary_Wollard

How Quick is a Divorce?

By Victor Anicama 

One of the universal misconceptions about divorce is the idea that it will be over quickly. Then all the parties can get on with their lives as though nothing happened.

In fact, your divorce can cost more money and take a longer time to settle than you ever imagined. For many couples, the whole process usually takes one to two years-even simple divorces that both parties thought would take only six months. The cost can range from several hundred dollars to several thousand.

To understand the costly nature of divorce, you must recognize the high price of splitting one economic unit in half. On the surface, an equitable property division would seem to mean each person walks away with half of what was shared by two, and is therefore left with enough to support one. But in the mathematics of divorce, the equation does not work out that way. Spouses have unequal salaries and earning potential. And many people today live beyond their means.

When it comes time to divide one household into two, there is rarely enough money to go around. That holds true as much for young married couples with little property as it does for wealthy couples with assets accumulated over many years. When a catastrophic event such as divorce hits, the fragile economic base for these couples is torn apart much as an earthquake loosens a house from its foundation, leaving everything in disarray.

Recognizing that everything takes longer and costs more can help you through those moments when you are suddenly faced with an unexpected debt or an unwanted delay in your divorce.

Maybe you have gotten used to the idea that your divorce will cost you dearly. What do you do with that knowledge? Be willing to accept a change in your lifestyle. Face it, you may have to borrow money, move, get a second job, or buy a used car instead of a new one. Be prepared for an economic pinch, at least for a while.

You will have to resist the very understandable temptation to splurge when your marriage is ending. The fact that you have to prepare for lean times also means that you must pay special attention to each financial decision you will make in divorce. In the end, the expense of the divorce itself means you must begin conserving your financial resources now.

Learn more about a Quick Divorce Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Victor_Anicama

Stop Your Divorce Save Your Marriage

By Andrew Zhihao Lim

Save Your Marriage From The Privacy Of Your Own Home...

Many men and women from all over the globe give up on their marriages every year because they don't know where to start, every little dispute can easily escalate into divorce for them. They pass all responsibility to salvage their marriage to their partner or a counselor and end up disappointed with the result. It doesn't have to end that way, what if i told you that all along you had the power to change your failing marriage, would you do it? You decide on how much you want your marriage to work out.

Marital advice alone cannot salvage your marriage if you and your spouse are not willing to communicated properly together. Communication is crucial in a relationship as it inform each other of their want , their needs and how they are feeling. Remember, communication is more then just talking to each other. Its a skill and technique that has to be learned and practised in order to apply it effectively. You cannot expect your partner to understand how you are feeling you if you are not effective in getting your message across.

With the pressures of every day life you can find yourself and your partner actually spending less time alone together. As this trend continue both of you will slowing drift apart and lose touch with each other. Hence its extremely important to put aside quality time for each other. You can use this time to concentrate alone on each other needs, not just discuss your jobs. Use this time to relax and enjoy each other company, relieve exciting moments when your were dating as this will help bring back fond memories when both of you were happily together.

Lastly self-help, as I mentioned in the beginning you have the power to change every aspect of your life and change how you want things to work out, its essential you hold on strongly to that belief as its extremely important. This is the determining factor on how your relationship will work out. There are online programs available that will help you in finding ways to go about tackling your marraige problem, but you must be willing to give yourself that chance. These programs will go into great detailed on what makes a successful marriage and how you too can stop your divorce and save your marriage if you are willing to work at it. However you must be determine to work it out and be prepared for any obstacles that you might face along the way.

Visit my report now to take a look at the program and save your marriage today.

What Is It To You to have your life dramatically improved.Can you even put a value to that? The Fact Is No Money Can Buy You That!

What Is It To You a consistent and blissful marriage for the rest of your life? Again, No Money Can Buy You That!

Imagine Creating A Dream Marriage You Always Wanted, where you both understand and love each other, communicate openly and genuinely with each other and commit to learning and growing in love together every day of your lives. How does that sound?

Personally, I value the above criteria then having a lot money which cannot save your marriage and happiness.

People make decision in life for 2 reason...
To avoid Pain...
Or To Gain Pleasure...
Period...

Andrew is an independent researcher on saving a failing marriage, you can view his FREE report @ http://www.squidoo.com/savemarriagealone included are tips on creating a working relationship with your spouse and the "save my marriage home premium course" Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Andrew_Zhihao_Lim

Do Your Emotions Slam-Dance or Can You Be Objective?

By Len Stauffenger

When you're newly divorced, we work hard to find ways to step back from whatever is happening so we can soothe our emotions into objectivity so they don't run helter-skelter. You might lose yourself in the degree of guiltiness or hurtfulness if you don't. The snapshot of that "perfect marriage" you once held has been torched out of you and you're feeling guilty about it. And the responsibility of the kids is overwhelmning. Well, your kids have to have your complete attention.

You will benefit both you as well as your children if you can get in touch with your feelings as they are now; if you can decide if they are subjective (my suspicion!) and how to move them over to the objective side.

Your ex is armed with the information about how to get your goat and they will use it to hurt you. There's only one way to change this scenario: move the goat! Here's how.

The "goat" is all of your less-than-wonderful feelings. Your ex knows how to trigger them off in you. You lived with her/him and there is no way to avoid her knowing your secrets. Too late. The "goat" is out of the bag! The only way for you to keep from reacting in the way your ex expects you to act is for you to change.

If anyone can bring you a hurt of any kind, he brings you a gift, an incomparable gift, a perfectly adjusted opportunity. He isolates one of your weaknesses so that you can correct it. He, or a similar agent, will come again and again until his offering ceases to hurt you. "Opportunity", by Will Levington Comfort (1878 - 1932)

When you get triggered in some way by your ex, this is life offering you an opportunity to change. It is a gift, nudging you to make a correction. A good tool to see what is triggering you is this:

1. Can you describe the feelings that arose. How does your throat feel? Your abdomen? Your head? Sit with all the feelings you are feeling and then ask yourself this question.

2. " What is an earlier memory I have of experiencing these same feelings?" Your mind will try and play tricks on you, but my experiences is that the first idea that comes to your mind is the one you want.

3. Look at what is happening in the memory that came up. Where are you? Who else is there? What is happening? How do you feel? Do you recognize the same feelings that got triggered when your ex mouthed off? Great!

4. Repeat again "Can I think of some memory that goes back even further when I felt this exact sense?" Usually, the first idea that comes to your mind is the one you want. 5. Let your thoughts drift to an earlier time in your life. If you can't do this all in one sitting, do it over the course of a few sessions. Ultimately, you can take yourself back to the initial experience you have that is just like those with your former spouse, and this time, you'll see the real beginning of your feelings and not just the triggering agent. You will continue to re-manifest this kind of experience repeatedly in order to learn it's message.

Once you identify the source, you will recognize that you are more than likely a very young individual yourself at that first feeling experience, and that you made a decision based on the fact that you were dependent on the adults involved in your source situation. You more than likely made a decision that saved your life at that time. Good for you. Now, ask yourself if you, the adult, would like to make a new decision based on all you've unfolded since you were that wee, dependent child?

This new decision is how you will think and act the next time your ex triggers you off with his/her words. You have a tool that allows you to react in a new way. You have moved the goat and she/he can't find it anymore. Your feelings will have become objective and you'll be able to set a wonderful example of reasonableness for your children.

Len Stauffenger's parents taught him life's simple wisdom. As a divorced dad, he wanted to share that simple wisdom with his girls. "Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents," his book, is the solution. Len is an author, a Success Coach and an Attorney. http://www.wisdomfordivorcedparents.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Len_Stauffenger