By Jenna Ryan
Children are the innocent victims in any divorce case, therefore it is important to remain civil during divorce proceedings to keep from harming the children. There are a few rules that you can implement between yourself and your divorcing spouse to keep the children as far from pain as possible.
- Don't drag kids into the fight.
- Don't talk about issues or fight in front of the children.
- Don't talk to your children about your problems, they are not adults.
- Take time to spend time with your children doing happy things.
- Take time to talk to your child, encouraging open communication about feelings.
- Allow children time to heal and grieve.
- Don't pretend everything is hunky dorey either -- this can screw up their perception of reality.
- Don't use your child as a pawn in your anger.
- Don't talk bad or disrespect your spouse to your children for ANY REASON!!!
- Allow your child to be angry, if he or she doesn't share his feelings now, it will come out later.
- Plan your new life and roles in as much detail as possible, sit down with your child and take time to orient him or her to the new routine and situation.
- Keep rules the same as they were. Use the "as if" rule, keeping rules the same "as if" you were still married. No special toys, gifts, leniency or favors.
- If the children are distressed, parents should talk with them and normalize their upset, not let them get away with inappropriate behavior or compensate with inappropriate favors or gifts.
- Don't try to make up for the divorce by bribing kids with "favors," nothing can make up for losing the marriage of your mom and dad.
- Maintain loving discipline throughout the divorce process. Discipline is an important way to show love, even though it takes a lot out of you.
- Don't play the victim in the presence of your children which will make them resent the other parent, whether you're respectful to the other parent or not.
- If one parent is not taking his or her responsibilities seriously, don't throw in the towel on your parenting duties. One parent is better than none.
- If your child tries to use this time as an opportunity to complain or manipulate you into granting leniency, stand your ground, even if the other parent caves in--be strong and don't let these tactics work.
- Kids are notorious for pitting parents against one another, even in families where divorce is not an issue. Don't allow this to happen during the difficult period of divorce.
- Do not give into your child protesting to get his or her own way. Children protesting do not make them right. As long as you remain firm, they learn that you cannot be swayed and they behave accordingly. Over time, they also learn to respect the parent that offers rules, routines, limits and expectations as this provides for a more stable and predictable environment that encourages healthy development.
- Major changes in a child's life in terms of lifestyle and parental oversite can trigger a child's fight-or-flight response of anger and fear. A child cannot express these emotions and in turn may internalize the divorce and blame himself or herself.
- The effects of divorce can last for a lifetime for your child. Make certain that you mitigate the damages by maintaining firm parental control and lots of love.
Jenna Ryan is a Search Engine Optimization and Web Marketing Specialist in Dallas Texas. She assists her clients in marketing websites and generating web traffic. Visit her website at Real Estate Web Site Design and her client's site at Dallas Divorce Attorneys to learn more about Dallas Texas Child Custody matters. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jenna_Ryan |
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