Dating after divorce can evoke two extreme responses – never again or where can I sign up?
A divorce can make you very cautious about dating. You may be saying to yourself, the marriage was meant to be permanent and I got my heart broken, chances are that dating after divorce will cause the same result. So rather than taking the chance of getting hurt again, many of you shy away from getting into another relationship – content with being single. Is it really contentment with being single or is it hiding behind your protective armor? Only you can answer that question.
The second respondent – where can I sign up goes in the direct opposite direction. The fear of being alone, rather than heartbreak, is what motivates this person. The danger with this type of thinking is the potential of jumping into another relationship before you are ready, which is a recipe for disaster.
How does one know when they are ready to date after divorce? Are you really able to make the right choices, considering you have just gone through an emotional trauma that is equal to death? Can we trust our emotional compass at this point in the game? If not, what can you do to make sure you make the right choices about future relationships?
David Steele, founder of Relationship Coaching Institute and author of Conscious Dating, has developed an assessment to determine your relationship readiness. The assessment tool is called the Relationship Readiness Quiz for Singles. The test requires you to rate yourself in ten different areas of your life to determine if you are ready for a relationship.
Depending on how you rate yourself, in each one of these areas, determines whether or not you are ready to start dating and furthermore at what level you are ready to date.
Did know there were different levels of dating? I didn’t, until I started my coaching singles training with the Relationship Coaching Institute. I really wish I had this knowledge when I started dating again after divorce - it would have saved me a lot of heartache. So what are the different levels of dating?
1. Short-term Recreational Dating – The purpose of short-term recreational dating is to have fun and practice your dating skills. You are meant to enjoy the company of the other person without having any long-term attachments. Success is based on both partners being clear about the intention of the relationship. If one party is looking for a long term committed relationship this type of arrangement will fail. Short-term recreational dating can be a great ego boost for those of you who are getting back into the dating game after a divorce.
2. Long-term Committed Dating – The intention of this relationship arrangement is to find a compatible life partner. In order to do this successfully, both partners need to be committed to foregoing other recreational dating strategies, but avoiding the “mini-marriage”. Using the essential dating skills of scouting, sorting, screening and testing is very important in this dating stage.
3. The Mini-Marriage - The mini-marriage dating stage is exactly how it sounds. The parties jump too quickly into the committed stage before they have time to assess there readiness. Individuals who start dating again after divorce very frequently fall into this stage.
Dating is tricky no matter your age, but it is even more so for those who are getting back into dating after divorce. Take your time and make sure you are emotionally ready to get back into the dating game before you make the leap.
Do you think you ready to start dating again? If you don’t know whether or not you are ready then take the Readiness Relationship Quiz and find out. The feedback from the quiz will help you identify areas that still need work or may be you are one of the lucky ones and are ready to hit the dating scene now. You won’t know for sure until you take the quiz. Contact me at coach@lisafredette.com for a copy of the Readiness Relationship Quiz and start making “conscious dating” decisions today!
Lisa A. Fredette is a CTA Certified Life Coach and a member of the Relationship Coaching Institute as well as a graduate of the Fearless Living Workshop. She is the owner of Passionate About Life Coaching and Passionate About Life Coach Divorce Recovery Coaching Club. Lisa provides one on one and group coaching, workshops, teleseminars, ebooks, ecourses and a coaching club for her clients. Her main focus is on supporting women who are motivated to take their divorce recovery to the next level and singles who want to attract the right partner. Sign up for Lisa's free report "Be the Navigator: Six Easy Steps to Getting Back into the Driver's Seat of Life" at http://www.lisafredette.com or sign up for the Passionate about Life Coach - Divorce Recovery Coaching Club at http://www.passionateaboutlifecoach.com and gain the support you need to turn your divorce into a celebration of life. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lisa_Fredette |  |
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