A few years ago, I was deciding on divorcing my husband. It was a very hard decision for me and during that time my husband and I opted out of marriage counseling. I was under stress and my days were lived unhappily, confused, miserable. I sought out an attorney, who was very knowledgeable and compassionate towards me, and my yo-yo decision on whether to pursue or not. After a couple of meetings, we decided to go on with it, by way of legal separation. I had a list of valid reasons for the divorce to come into play, and my attorney looked into what I would be entitled to after the dissolution, and what I wasn't entitled to. I wasn't looking to "clean my husband out". I was just looking for my fair equal share, and make the break as civilly as possible.
The morning my husband was to be served the papers, I backed down and reconsidered. When I alerted my attorney, he was thrilled that I was going to give the marriage another try, he felt if a couple, especially with children, could remain together, it would be best for all involved. 8 years later, I am happy with my husband and my life, and would highly recommend this attorney to anyone needing a divorce, due to his sensibilities, his integrity, his experience in handling such sensitive matters as these. My reasons for wanting the divorce weren't detrimental. Loneliness, for me, would have been.
But there are times you cannot reconcile or hope to remain happily ever after. When it is beyond irreconcilable differences (which New York does not acknowledge as other states do.) When it is detrimental to remain in the marriage, and vital for the safety of the self, and the children, to make the break. You need to obtain a lawyer with compassion, knowledge of his/her field, and one who will have you and your children's best interests come up to the foreground. A divorce is not a walk in a park, the parties experience plenty of hurt (yes, even the one filing for the divorce), and the children's lives become dramatically altered.
If a divorce is an absolute must, some things you need to know:
- New York residency requirements must be met
- The grounds for divorce falls into the categories set forth in New York State law
- Upon your spouse receiving the papers, knowing if it will be contested or not (unless you know in advance it won't be contested)
- What properties, monies, assets will be divided
Some grounds for divorce in New York are:
- Divorce after legal separation (separated one year) from the time it was court-ordered
- Cruel and inhuman treatment (physical, verbal)
- Abandonment - physical, sexual, or you were locked out of your residence
- 3 years consecutive imprisonment
- Adultery
There are self-divorce kits that may offer an inexpensive way to a divorce, but you will be leaving yourself open to failure. A good divorce lawyer will speak with you, learn all about the ins and outs of your marriage/finances/children, your legal rights and responsibilities (such as child support) - and will walk you through your divorce with your knowing that although the best did not turn out during your marriage, you will be well taken care of after it.
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