Step 1 Give it time
When a close relationship breaks there are raw emotions and we cannot see clearly. It is hard to cope initially for instance that your partner has been having an affair and wants you to leave so the new man can have a full time place in her life.
I used to meet my wife to pick up my son every two weeks. I will never forget the first time I saw her and her new lover kiss. I was waiting at a station for my wife to meet me and I saw a car pull up to the station and my wife and child get out of the car as well as the man who helped her with her bags. It was a Monday morning and as they got settled and everything was out of the car she turned and embraced him and stood their kissing for what seemed like an eternity. That hurt me so much to see my wife kissing a man so passionately. Hurts like that that take time to heal.
So matter what the reason you have split, give yourself some time to deal with all the hurts of your relationship. It did take me time to come to grips with the fact that my wife was never coming back to me and had another lover in her life. Make sure you are not too tough on yourself.
Step 2 Pray
I heard once that over half of the people in the USA go to church on a Sunday so I am putting this in for them, but even if you don’t practice the Christian faith listen up as this too might benefit you.
I never used to be a big fan of prayer until the Lord Jesus told me one day that I need to ask Him for things. Since then I began to ask for things and it is amazing to see prayers being answered by him. There is real power in prayer and heaven seems to move and get behind a person that opens their heart to God.
I am sure that God is in the business of love and restoration. I am confident that if you pray to God to help you with your hurt initially that he will lead you to the right counselors and he will put the right words into your friend’s mouths and he will allow you to heal.
I am sure also when enough time has elapsed that you could ask the Lord Jesus for him to give you a real love for your ex so that things might be easier between you when you have to meet to exchange children or any other reason you have to meet.
I know couples that have been on the brink of separation and divorce before and with a counselor’s instruction that they ask the Lord Jesus to restore their first love to each other have found themselves madly in love with each other and once again their sex life return to what it was when they first met. I have parents who this happened to.
Step 3 Address the pain in your life.
Often relationships break down because of the emotional baggage a person brings into a marriage. Many of us have been hurt by our parents and in events leading up to marriage and we believe that all our hurts and problems will disappear when we find someone to love us for whom we are. Often times the person we marry is just as much as an emotional wreck. When we get together instead of bliss after a while we might see our lives have more problems and marriage hasn’t healed our past hurts.
Take the time now that you are single not only to deal with the pain that your marriage caused you but to address those deep inner pain issues. A wonderful Christian form of counselor is trained by a group called Elijah House Ministries which are in many countries if you look them up on the Internet.
It’s time to heal. It’s time for you to go to a soul doctor and have all of your pain dealt with and for you to learn to really love yourself and to be able to cope as a single person for a number of years. We need to be able to healthy and single and whole inside, not an emotional wreck.
I am presently in counseling at the moment and it is doing me a lot of good and I am dealing with a lot of pain inside and it is a very worthwhile thing to do.
Step 4 Find out why your partner did what they did
Everyone has a reason for doing things. Everyone has unresolved pain in their life and it is really beneficial to take the time to look into why your partner acted how they did.
My wife was sexually abused and came from a mother that was very demanding and controlling who you had to please and obey for her to love you. My wife sadly married a male that also had been sexually abused and was quite controlling and demanding himself.
When you understand your partner from a distance, no matter what they did, you can find in your heart the compassion to forgive them in your heart and learn to love them for the victim that they are.
If your husband was a gambler or an alcoholic who was abusive understanding them will give you a heart that will be capable of forgiving them. Forgiving them does not mean that you move back in with them, but forgiveness might mean that you can be the one that finally encourages them to get into rehabilitation.
A man has a hard time sometimes giving up on a female. A man like me never gives up on his wife. My wife left her lover after a few years and went onto another lover and this time a minister’s son. After three years with him she re-married. That day was a very sad day in my life and shortly after she told me I could not see my son anymore.
I was hurt deeply. But I understood why my wife treated me like this as her mother divorced and re- married and made sure the natural father never got to see her children. My wife simply did to me what her mother had done before her.
I love my wife, my former wife that is but I still call her my wife. I understand her and I love her more today then when we were married. I hope one day when I make contact with my son that we can once again be friends.
We were quite friendly over the years since my divorce until she re- married and I think we can be friendly in the future when I make contact with my son.
Step 5 Show your ex that you love them.
Little things can show your love. A birthday present or a thoughtful Christmas present would make a good impression. You know your love and you know what they were in to. When you have taken the time, when you have prayed, and you have come to understand them and forgiven them, take the time to pick out a nice gift and give it to them with a smile. Be courteous to them, if you have the courage even tell them that you still love them and wish them the best in their future.
There are always good times in any marriage. No matter what has happened between two people there are always memories that are sweet. Tell your ex over a coffee that you still remember that time or event with affection. Let them know that at one time in your life they were precious to you.
Love is a powerful thing. Your love is precious to your ex sometimes. We all love a shop that treats us well even after we have bought something. We all love after sales service. Your ex will like the fact that you are loving toward them and who knows you might even become good friends once more.
Can I pray for you?
Dear Father in heaven.
This person has read this full article and given me the respect of listening to my words on a page. So I ask that you might grant my request for them knowing that I am a close friend of yours.
Father I pray that you lead this person to a new group of friends. I pray for good friends to come into their life, friends full of love and good advice. I pray that you lead this person to a good counselor and I pray that you give the courage to purge their pain. I pray that you put the right advice in the counselor’s mouth and that you restore the inner child of this person to a healthy happy child. I pray that you might give them the right decisions to make in future partners and that until they heal that they might have them stay single and work on themselves.
I ask all this in Jesus name.
Amen
Matthew is one of two people that operate a site at http://www.escapeministries.net Escape ministries is a place where people can be ministered to over the internet, by reading articles, watching videos and receiving personal prophetic words. James and Matthew invite you to visit today to look at some of the articles they have collected and watch some of the video teachings they are setting about to produce for you. You are encouraged to sign up for our monthly newsletter or simply email James or Matthew with any of your comments. We hope that you might bookmark it and come back to visit often as we pursue our mission statement that is found on our home page. You can visit and view their video's live at youtube by going direct to http://www.youtube.com/EscapeMinistries Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Matthew_Robert_Payne |
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